Does my baby have an attachment to me?

[confusedwithacrawler]

My friend was saying that when her son was 9 to 18 months, she could never put him down as he would always cry and never settle until she was back holding him. As well as explaining a lot of other things he would do that she called 'velcro behaviour'.

My nearly 10 month old daughter however seems to be the exact opposite. Since she has started crawling she will happily play for quite a while away from me; with just looking or crawling back to me a few times. She also fusses very briefly if I leave the room and makes the big fuss when I come back.

At about 6 to 7.5 months old she would cry hysterically if I left the room and would only settle after a cuddle. But she grew out of it quickly and now it doesn't seem she even bats an eyelid to me or my existence.

She is extremely social so she'll wave at everyone and try and get attention from basically every stranger we come across. With her dad she gets very excited and happy for him to be home from work. And is always laughing with virtually no crying with him. On the rare occasions she does cry when he is about she stares at me the whole time and moves to me instead of him.

When looking this up it keeps coming up that she has an unhealthy attachment particularly as she doesn't seem to prefer me to strangers let alone her dad.

This has been really upsetting and distressing to me because I just want my baby to be happy and healthy. And feel I am failing as a mother as a result. On top of this I'm not even sure where I am going wrong, I feel like I meet her needs as best as I can then vast majority of the time.

Is there anyway she actually does have a bond to me? Or do we just have a bad relationship?

It sounds like she’s just more independent than your friends baby. It doesn’t mean she’s not attached to you - you could even argue that she’s very secure in her attachment and that’s why she’s able to be independent. She may just know that you’re going to come back for her, that you won’t leave her forever etc. Some kids are just naturally more clingy, some are naturally more independent.
Don’t google things like this. It won’t help. Don’t compare your child to anyone else’s. She’s her own unique person. You’ll be constantly worried if you google and compare.
Also 10 months is a funny age as they can’t express themselves. My son was never particularly affectionate or bothered about me leaving when he was that age, he just wanted to play and loved just being with whoever was looking after him. Now he’s nearly 2.5 and can talk and express his feelings and will say ‘Yay, mummy’s home’ and then tell me about the fun things he’s done whilst I was working etc. I know we’ve got a good bond as when we are at the park or toddler groups he’ll always check in with me, make sure I’m watching etc, gives me hugs and kisses etc, but he’s never been clingy or even really cried when I’ve gone somewhere without him. He just says that he’s happy to see me when we are reunited which is nice.
Personally I think it makes life easier having a child like this. You don’t have to worry about leaving them with family when you need to go out, or starting nursery or childminder. I think it must be horrible for parents of more clingy children to see them crying when dropping them off, rather than leaving your child knowing they’re happy whilst you’re not there.

She sounds like a happy baby with a secure attachment to you - she looks to you for comfort. If you're her "constant" that could be why you get more of a muted reaction than her dad does