12w old developmental delays :(

[AlwaysSeekingComfort]

I know everyone will say contact your HV / GP etc (which I have done). We are going to their drop in clinic tomorrow….
but I suppose I am looking for some reassurance or if anyone has been through similar and so to give me tips / or let me know how it all turned out.

basically my LO is 12w this week (was born 41+6 after being induced) so unsure if could technically be 14w if you take into consideration they were born 2w past DDate? Anyway, she does not hold head up at all on TTime (infact hates tummy time and just cries). Doesn’t batt or try to grab toys… doesn’t look at me in the eyes nor follow my voice if I talk or sing etc. (can definitely hear as startles / jumps if there’s a loud noise or something). Does however smile when hears my voice but as I say, doesn’t turn to look at me, just stares up in the ceiling or wall. She can see as does like to stare / watch the tele when it’s on in the background

i wouldn’t be so worried if it was just one milestone failing but I feel there’s something wrong the fact she’s not reaching a few of these…😪

there are a few more silly things too like hating being in car / car seat (cries the whole time), generally a whingey baby, only likes milk very hot (can’t be Luke warm as won’t drink it)

do I just have a picky / fussy / lazy baby or are there underlying issues here :(

Have you gone through the ages and stages questionnaire? It does cover 3 to 4.5 months, so not everything should be achieved at just 12 weeks.

https://virginiaped.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/ASQ-3-4-month-_1307.pdf

I found with things like tummy time, my baby would hate it, not lift his head etc and then suddenly overnight would just be able to hold up his head, or prop up onto elbows, but couldn't the day before.

It might be worth turning the TV off so it's not distracting and trying to play with toys or just try spend 10 mins letting your baby look at your face each day.

No you don't need to adjust their age when born past dates :) The milestones should be checked against actual age.

This is actually the correct ASQ for a 12 week old. Bear the scoring sheet in mind - it's normal for them not to be doing everything in a given section. To be honest I would not be doing ASQ sheets this early but speak to HV at the drop in instead. Hopefully they can reassure you.

raymond-bliss.tricare.mil/Portals/146/Documents/Child%20Wellness%20Forms/ASQ3%20-%202%20Month%20-%20eng.pdf?ver=PZm_t-lBenHcj2s9mk8RCw%3D%3D

Looking at the differences between the two ASQ forms - I think some of your expectations are a bit too high so don't worry As the PP said they really do change so fast at this age.

For example you mentioned eye contact, but eye contact isn't mentioned in either questionnaire. It's likely that babies of this age don't have good enough eyesight yet to make eye contact. It does ask if they watch larger things like whether they seem to watch you/a familiar adult walking around a room.

Similar for batting toys - the expectations at this age are for the baby to look at the toy and perhaps wave at it, not very accurately yet.

A lot of babies struggle with tummy time. We got given a great tip which was to do it briefly at nappy changes so they are getting a lot of little practices rather than plonking them on the floor once a day for their allotted tummy time - they tend to hate this. Also doing it on a raised surface like a changing table or sofa, of course being careful they don't fall, so you can crouch down and look up or level at them, that helps. Tummy time on your chest also counts. If you have a yoga ball/birthing ball around, that can be a great tool for tummy time as well, or placing a very small pillow or rolled towel/blanket under their armpits to lift them up a bit helps. Putting them on a playmat with something interesting to look at like a scrunchy toy or shiny material or a mirror can also be good.

Looking towards your voice is again not mentioned even in the 3-4 month questionnaire - smiling at the sound of your voice is good. Looking towards a sound probably requires a bit more awareness of physical direction. This appears first in the 6 month questionnaire.

Lots and lots of babies struggle with the car at this age. All of mine did. We had to sing to them pretty much constantly and it was a different song which worked for each one.

Have a look at the questionnaire @BertieBotts linked. It's quite common for a baby to have 1 or 2 areas in the grey, and that usually isn't a major concern – it's the way the questionnaires are designed, to measure the whole range of typical development.

The next questionnaire is for 4 months, and the difference between not quite three months and four months is huge, so don't worry about that one yet!

Neither mine liked the car or car seat, although DD1 did at least usually fall asleep after screaming for a bit. They're still not big fans now, and are lucky to live somewhere where we can mostly go by foot, bike, or scooter.

Thank you all. Am sick with worry… feel like I am failing.

today I tried sooo hard to get eye contact but when I look at her she purposely looks away. I can’t even manage her to look at me for 2 seconds!

Google isnt good I know, but everything on there says about no / avoiding eye contact as babies leads to ASD diagnosis later on. I know ASD isn’t a death sentence but I would want to nip it in the bud early and try to get intervention/ help.

HV today was not fussed in the slightest that they don’t look at me / turn to load noises and do not hold their head up … said to come back in 6w if no improvement.

I just can’t sleep thinking about it all. It’s overwhelming

I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious about it all. Have you done the questionnaire? https://raymond-bliss.tricare.mil/Portals/146/Documents/Child%20Wellness%20Forms/ASQ3%20-%202%20Month%20-%20eng.pdf?ver=PZm_t-lBenHcj2s9mk8RCw%3D%3D If baby has no more than 1 or 2 areas 'in the grey', then really, she's doing just what she ought, and please try to put it out of your mind and enjoy her.

If baby has areas 'in the black' or more than 2 areas in the grey, then I'd go back to the HV drop in, explain how she's scored on the 2 month ASQ, and ask about a review. To be honest, she's so wee that unless it is very obvious, they may want to wait a little and see – they do vary a bit in when they 'wake up' and start engaging with the world. In my experience, at this stage they seemed most interested in whether baby smiled back when you smile at her, whether they waved their arms and legs about, and whether they could visually track objects.

Enjoy her, talk to her, cuddle her, sing to her, take her out for walks, let her see and feel and hear and smell different everyday sensations, let her wiggle around on a blanket, and you'll be doing absolutely everything she needs to promote her development.

@skkyelark

thanks for the above. I just did it and scored the below

Communication - grey
Gross motor - black
Fine motor - white
Problem solving - black
Social - black

So will email the HV team today with my concerns again.

i do love on her very much, I feel so guilty for being distracted because i am so worried. I should be enjoying this time and savouring every minute but i am just wishing the time away because i need to know what the future holds which is terrible of me. I can’t shake this feeling and try to let go of the worry…. I know it basically “is what it is” whatever is wrong with her (if anything) and that I can’t change it so I should just accept it and let it go, but am finding it very hard.

Your worry and wishing you could just know what the future holds for her is completely natural. It is very hard. If it's disrupting your sleep and your ability to enjoy things, you might want to see the GP about help for you. There are strategies for managing worries, and as a new mum, you should be a priority for support.

When you email the HV team, I would stress that baby is almost 3 months (or perhaps is 3 months now?), and this is how she scored on the 2 month questionnaire. If she is not smiling back when you smile at her and not tracking objects with her eyes, I'd also mention that.

Oh no please don't worry! Your baby is only little and it sounds like you are a really involved caring mum. Keep talking to her and showing her things and I'm sure her eyesight and communication will keep developing.

There is a bit of a thing algorithmically with supposed "autism signs" - the more you click on them, the more they get served up to you on social media, in suggested articles etc. I get it myself for car crashes. It's one of my anxieties and when I click on news articles about car accidents the algorithm serves me up loads more. It's one of the really nasty parts about the internet that it will hook into your worst fears.

Do you go to any baby groups at all? I find that getting out into "real life" helps me spend less time ruminating on the internet and it's really helpful to meet other parents whose babies were similar age to mine. Our local NCT branch used to run what they called Bumps & Babies, where women came in the last few weeks of pregnancy and then again after their baby was born, you were allowed to bring any baby who was not yet mobile. In practice most people came up to about 6 months and then moved onto more toddler-oriented groups (even though most 6 month old babies are not yet crawling!) Perhaps there is something like this near to you.

I'm sorry your health visitor wasn't more reassuring. Showing her the ASQ score sounds like a good way to communicate why you're worried, although I do think it can be tricky for parents to score these things as we usually only have experience of our own babies, whereas medical professionals have seen a lot more. And IME if I'm worried about something I tend to score it more negatively compared to if I'm feeling more relaxed about it - maybe you've done the same? It's useful to have as a tool to explain what you're concerned about, anyway. Hopefully they will have time to look at your baby and either reassure and/or let you know what you can do to support her.

Also, if your worries are keeping you up at night and you're finding it hard to control your thoughts about it, that could be a sign that it's crossed from the normal worries everyone has about their baby into postnatal anxiety - it might be worth asking your HV or GP about any potential support for this too?

How are you getting on, @AlwaysSeekingComfort ?

@skkyelark
i am still worried tbh. However the HV has referred her for physio and believe eye check.
She doesn’t give me eye contact at all (actively avoids looking at me). It’s really unsettling me.
and still no progress with lifting head off the floor.
I am really trying to take it day by day and not worry.
i did have a nice busy weekend which helped a lot. Thanks so much for checking in x

@BertieBotts
thank you for your message. I haven’t been to baby groups yet, but do aim to do so in the near future.

I am really trying to talk /show /sing but she will not look at me at all, she actively avoids eye contact. I will purposely put my face eyes in line with hers and she’ll look the other way immediately :(

I get what you mean regarding scoring negatively but I don’t think I have done at all. She is very behind IMO.

yes I may contact the GP about my mental health as I do think I’m not in a good place with it

x

Oh bless you, I'm sorry you're feeling so worried. IF there is anything going on, you will still love her just as much. I second getting out to baby groups, they help so much, for you, not necessarily the baby. Is there a cinema near you that does baby viewings? I loved going when my baby would sit still for longer than 3 seconds (hes now 9 months), you can get a coffee, cuddle your baby, switch off and watch a film. It's great that your HV is taking your concerns seriously and you have appointments booked in x

@WickWood that’s is very true! I will love her regardless … she is perfect to me.
i am
not sure about the cinema but will look into as sounds very cute.
lets see what the physio / eye check brings. Taking it day by day. X

You've done really well to get her those referrals at this young age – if there is something going on, you've put her in the best possible place to get support as early as possible.

Day by day sounds like a good plan, but I'd second (third?) the suggestion of getting out and about – baby groups or places you'd like to go that you can reasonably take baby in the pram or sling or just running errands.

@skkyelark thank you
going to look at baby classes and see what’s on at the local centre

thanks all for your support x