Nursery keeps raising concerns about my child

[Giddyauntie]

I like my son’s nursery a lot. But they frequently draw our attention to behaviour that they seem to think is odd/not normal - yet without any framework, or suggestions of how to progress.

DS is two and a half. He’s bright (I think!), energetic, funny, social, curious and very imaginative. He hit milestones normally, and is very advanced with his language. He is, I suppose, quite intense - not the kind of child who will play quietly even for ten minutes by himself, he constantly wants your attention and gets bored and/or frustrated quickly.

He is, I can see, emotionally volatile/sensitive compared to his peers - very quick to get upset, and nursery says they really struggle with transitions between activities. They also struggle to get him to focus, and most recently they’ve drawn attention to fact he constantly runs up and down/ paces, which they see as ‘stimming’ (must admit I just saw it as high energy!!)

I suppose the problem is that all this feedback has made me worried about him, but also a bit lost - they won’t (I guess they can’t) say what they think any of it ‘means’, though I presume they’re concerned he is neurodivergent in some way (adhd??) Probably a bit young to tell, but just looking for any reassurance/advice on what to do next…

Have they had a 2 year check with the health visitor? I d be asking them to do an asq se and an Mchat screener to see if that flags anything and ask for a meeting with nursery about what they ve put in place for transitions and if they think they are stimming if they could do a sensory profile in the mean time to see if that shows anything.

An experienced nursery practitioner can be very good at knowing what's in the range of typical development and when there's perhaps something a little bit more going, so if you rate the nursery and they have some experienced staff, I'd definitely consider the possibility.

I would ask nursery what they are doing to help support him with transitions, focus, and managing his emotions. For example, are they using now and next techniques, or giving him warning of transitions (and making sure he specifically has understood it – generally warnings to the room may not be enough)? Have they sought help from any specialists, are they making any referrals?

I would also think carefully about what you do at home around these things, and if you have friends/relatives with similarly aged children, perhaps ask what they do. Sometimes as parents we unconsciously adapt our routines and home life to suit our children without quite realising it's become quite a bit more than typical. Also, if you have strategies that work around transitions, for example, it may help if nursery can do something similar.

If you want an overview of his development, I would fill out https://www.socfc.org/SOHS/Disabilities%20Mental%20Health/ASQ/ASQ%203%2030%20Months.pdf and https://www.socfc.org/SOHS/Disabilities%20Mental%20Health/ASQ/ASQ%20SE%2030%20Months.pdf. Do check the scoring sheets at the back, though, especially for the first one – they never expect six yeses in a section.