smacking three year old - what's the best course of action?

[lacarte]

3 yo ds keeps smacking - me, his gran, his baby sister, anyone close to him - often just to get a reaction. We've been trying the naughty step but sometimes he does it just to get a reaction and to be put on there (with 1 yo sister he often has to wait for our attention and this is a sure fire way to get it). I'm not inclined to ignore it - have tried to an extent but no joy anyway. What can we try?

I'd make a very loud smacking noise right by him when he does it again. he'll think he has been smacked and stop in his tracks and you can ask him how he likes it.

Harsh but fair, that's me

I'm having the same and have been using sanctions. Has been working as he has got a lot better.

Sorry, as in "no CBeebies" (he has an hour before bedtime)

Forget the naughty step it obviously isn't working.

Grab his hands firmly when he does it (you may have to watch him closely for a while & intercept the slap) & make eye contact & say "No we don't do that" firmly. Then move on to something else & ignore it , distract him.

Praise him when he plays nicely & ignore him when he slaps while paying attention to something/someone else so he learns that your attention is only earned when he behaves.

It's a phase but bloody annoying eh?

Alas, we tried that with ds1 and he saw it as a challenge and started hitting us more!

god just realised the title of this sounds like I'm smacking him! not the case - though sometimes I have to fight my reflex to smack back, esp when it's first thing in the morning!

Remove to bedroom without a WORD. (obviously pre warn him)

Leave him there without a WORD or any attention at all for 3 minutes.

Remind him when he comes out that this will be the response every time he smacks.

When you are out, does he have a cool little fiddly toy he loves? If he smacks, you take it away for 10 minutes.

Good advice here already.

I would echo what bossy says, at this age it's all about attention.

If he hits you, get up and walk away, make a cup of tea.

If you shout, and rant, he has achieved his jackpot payout IYSWIM, with a massive amount of attention, more than if he were merely playing nicely.

Good luck.

Ah yes but Beansprout YOU are the adult, YOU are in charge, so if he smacks more you just hold his hands more firmly. 'Tis a battle!!

Time out upstairs is probably more effective in older children. At 3 the biggest torture is to see everyone else having fun/attention while you sit quietly with your hands being held by Mummy. They HATE not being noticed!!

Any of the good advice on here could work.

Don't worry Lacarte I think we all took it as you meant!

Basically all children are different & you just have to work out a strategy that works for you, & helps keep him alive till bedtime

when he's on the naughty step he just has to stay there for 3 mins, same as the bedroom idea really.

Maybe we're doing it wrong?! It goes like this: He smacks, I pick him up and put him on the step saying 'we don't smack'. We don't talk to him - if he's hit his sister she gets the attention, otherwise we just make like he's not there (unless he gets up, and I just put him back on). Then after time's up, I explain why he was on there and he says sorry and we carry on. He says 'I won't do it again'. I am very big on positive attention so make a fuss when he's being good. But more often than not within the hour he's smacking again.

Aside form this he's really a nice little boy! Not v tantrummy generally. This is why I'm frustrated!

The naughty step didn't work for ds1, he was getting his kicks from watching family life, talking to me (although I was ignoring him) and generally playing to an audience.

When he was in his room with the door shut, he could see he was being completely ignored.

But all are different.

the step's kind of round the corner so he can't see us! anyway yes - not really working I guess