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Daughter pushing me to my limits

1 reply

redundanttoday · 29/06/2025 12:19

Please help, I feel like I’ve failed completely as a mum.

my nearly 8 year old daughter is pushing me over the edge. We are constantly at loggerheads and I spend most of my time telling her off. Its awful.

She has just become so selfish and rude. She answers back to everything, turns every thing into an argument - like being asked to brush her teeth or told she can’t have a snack right before dinner, if we tell her to do something when she’s been told off like go to her room or switch the tv off she point blank refuses and shouts at us.

She’s sarcastic, demanding, ungrateful and disruptive.

We took both kids out this morning for breakfast and a walk (son is 3) got home and son was napping as he struggles in the heat and is a little under the weather. She complained the whole walk home about being tired and when we’ve got in she won’t do anything calm or chilled. Instead she went in the kitchen making a racket where he brother is napping in his pushchair even though we asked her not to and suggested several activities, and woke him up. when told off the whole thing has blown into a full on row. We tried to send her upstairs to play but she refused (a bedroom full of toys, tv, Nintendo etc isn’t fun enough apparently). I’m feeling more and more often like I just can’t stand her being here.

Of course I love her but I really don’t like her anymore. I feel like I’ve tried all the soft and gentle approaches but even the harsh telling off and punishments we’ve resorted to now don’t make any difference. It’s causing friction with my husband because as much as he does support me and punish her also, I’m the one who bears the brunt of her nastiness because I’m around more.

I know she is still developing and I’m trying so hard to be patient but I also know other moms with similar aged girls who seem to have such a lovely relationship and much kinder behaviour.

anyone else experienced anything similar and how long did it last or did you resolve it?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
BunnyRuddington · 01/07/2025 08:39

I can totally understand where you’re coming from. My DD is now diagnosed as AuDHD and was very similar at that age. Obviously I’m not saying that your DD is ND though.

One thing that does come across in your post is that there’s a lot of talk of not wanting to be around her and punishments.

Kids pick up in these feelings really quickly, much more quickly that you’d imagine.

I made a conscious decision at around your DD’s age to “fake it till I make it”. Basically I had to think about every single interaction with her and make or become as kind as loving as I could, a bit like love bombing her.

There doesn’t seem much talk of one to one time with her either. Does she get much much of that? If she’s bored and you want DS to nap could one of you played a game with her or taken her to the park?

The other thing I found useful was not making demands like “go and brush your teeth” but trying to make it into a more fun activity so we’d brush our teeth together and see who could stand in one leg for the longest whilst we did it.

Two things tou might find useful are:

This very simple progress checker

and the book The Wholemeal-Brain Child.

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