4 year old out of control?

[Boymama13]

My just turned 4 year old has been displaying some very challenging behaviour lately, on a good day he is sweet and loving and funny but then he will just see red over a minor thing and absolutely loses the plot, he will try and run off in car parks, supermarket etc, he throws things at us and his older brother, he lashes out and bites us, we all feel like we are constantly walking on egg shells around him as we don't know what will trigger him next.
We have tried naughty/time out step, rewards jars, praising good behavior and ignoring negative, cuddling when angry, removing favourite toys and nothing makes any difference. He has a good bedtime routine and on a good night sleeps 11 hours but we can have nights where he's up several times.
He had a speech delay but is alot better although still can't pronounce some letter sounds. He has a few meals that he will eat but this does restrict eating out on an evening as he's not a chip fan or pizza and most childrens meals contain these.
I have been in touch with our health visiting team and they are going to arrange a home visit with us as I literally feel lost, mentally, physically and emotionally broken. I suffer with my own MH so it makes this whole situation harder.
I apologize for the long post so well done if you read to the end. Any advice welcome or anyone who's been through similar. My mum gut is telling me something is definitely different about him but just no idea what x

All of that sounds very difficult @Boymama13, my youngest was similar at that age so you do have my sympathy.

What help is he having with his speech delay? Has he had a hearing test and is he being seen by SaLT?

Is he in any sort of Childcare and how does he behave there?

If he has limited eating, sleeps poorly and no sense of danger, there’s could all be signs of ASD, has anyone mentioned that possibility to you already?

I would fill in the 4 year Ages and Stages

and the 4 year Social & Emotional Ages & Stages. You can mark them, someone in here will be around and happy to discuss the results with you and you can show them to the member of staff from the HV Team.

As for the biting and hitting, most NT DC will have long grown out of this by now. Have you noticed any triggers? Has anyone suggested reading The Explosive Child?

Forgot to add that it might ne worth reading up on ARFID too. See if you think the symptoms fit.

Let us know how you get on with all of this

Not sure how to reply lol, he attends childcare two days a week and no issues there, he is a golden child. He had the heating test and all was fine, he got discharged from SALT, nursery spoke to them again and raised my concerns as it's just a couple of sounds he can't get, they have no concerns as he's only 4.
I have done some research and he seems to display traits of PDA. I will look at ASD. His sleep last night wasn't great but it was hot. His eating is better, he has a good 4 meals that we can eat as a family now which helps greatly. It's just easier to eat at home as I can cook what he likes which is anything with rice or pasta. He will eat some veg and fruit and we make sure he has multivitamins after tea.

Why do people immediately jump to Asd ? It might just be a phase OP - my son definitely has phases especially during growth spurts etc , he finds it tougher in the heat too. Also 4 and navigating different phases. Take care

Maybe because he’s showing three signs and it could be a possibility? When I was asking in MN nobody ever even hinted that it might be ASD, I had no clue what to ask for with the School Nurse/HV or Teachers.

Also, the heat won’t take away a sense of danger. DC with ASD can often run off or have no sense of danger with traffic or strangers.

@BunnyRuddington understood, thank you. I do appreciate that, and I guess sometimes it feels like it comes up quickly as a reason. But appreciate if it is helpful feedback for the posters.