Constant fighting

[Boymummy2015]

Hi All
First time poster here......
I have 2 DS's aged 9 & 6 and currently having a real nightmare with the both of them.
Their general attitude towards us & each other is appalling, name calling, hitting each other, swearing, general refusal to do as asked and arguing back.
We have a busy schedule and I do believe potentially this has an impact, both myself and DH work full time and long days so rely on wrap around care for both DS's before & after school. In addition their both also busy with sports and after school activities.
They do have screens and will reach for them when they decide which is really irritating and we have now started removing the screens and locking them away as they 100% zone out on the damn things.
It's got to a point where other parents at School have noticed the decline in the boys behaviour (mainly whilst on the park after school with childminder) and needless to say I'm totally embarrassed and something has to give.
They are 2 amazing boys and the best boys to be around I love that they have personality and not afraid to speak up etc but the last few months it's been getting gradually worse and I honestly do not know what to do now.
I feel like all I do is rant and rave and shout at them both at the minute and I feel awful but no matter how many times I try to calmly talk to them it just ends up in a meltdown and argument. I'm shattered and mentally drained with them both they haven't learnt this behaviour from my home and have been brought up to respect their elders and peers etc.
Are they just being brothers?
Is this a "normal" phase and transition?
Or should I be worried and look to get School involved and my GP?

I would first ask to speak to their Teachers, individually, and ask if they have any concerns.

It does sound like they have very busy lives though with sport and you bother working fulltime. That’s not a criticism at all but they do need time to just chill at home and play football/cricket in the garden or Lego in the house.

What are you currently doing if they swear? What consequences do they have?

Hi Bunny
Thanks for your reply :)

I have spoken with both their Teachers and yes they can be occasionally silly but nothing of concern in School, nor is there any concerns/issues with their wrap around care just the usual boys boys but nothing out of the ordinary.

I understand 100% what you mean and I have spoken with my husband more this morning, as hard as it is I think it's more us that are the problem and not the boys... agree we need to give them more of that "chill time" they do get it but yes maybe I could involve them more with it and instead of saying "ok time to chill now" I could say "ok boys I think we should do X Y Z what do you think" and then that way they're involved in the decision making to an extent.....!

The swearing, it's only towards each other and then the odd "oh shit" or "bloody hell" but the youngest can say it when we're out or in company and it's mortifying. Tried a few tactics, first being ignoring it we gave no reaction as they are well aware its wrong and not allowed so I first thought best not to draw attention to it as I thought it would then fizzle out.

Now I tend to take away the things they enjoy, so I won't let them play out, stop TV time or ipad time that sort of approach.

Like I said they are the most amazing boys, so loving & affectionate and the absolute best of friends when they want to be as well as being fantastic company too but it's got to the stage where together their real hardwork and it's mentally draining.