only child worries

[confusedmamma]

I' m not sure where to post this, but here goes. I am a single mum of 43. My DS is 6. I have to make myself accept that he will be an only child. I find this really hard because I am really close to my sister and she was a major part of my childhood. Can someone please give me advice on how to see this in a more positive light? I know there are some advantages but I was just wondering if there were any mums out there who had done it all, raiseded a DS alone as a singlr mum. Or has anyone decided just to have one and if so what were their reasons ? I must accept this but find it tough. How do I stop him being a brat ? how can i teach him about sharing ? All opinions grstefully received .

my dp is an only child, so is his bf, they are both the nicest blokes you'd ever meet. open and friendly

no sibling rivalry seems to make them more affable to other people too.

Thanks for that. My dad was an only child, very sociable in many ways, but incredibly selfish too. I must say I enjoy the lack of squabbling, but I somehow feel he's missing out. Totally illogical I know I'm bonkers.

I am an only child and I have chosen for my dd to be an only, because I had a fantastic relationship with my family and never felt I missed out.

I think it is a myth that only children cant share or are brattish, there are loads of advantages, mainly in the amount of time you can invest in your child.

As long as your ds has plenty of opportunity to socialise and interact with other children, there is no reason he would be any more likely to display these negative behaiviours than a child with siblings.

Of course my dh would probably say I am a spoilt-only child- brat

my dad was an only child and was born in 1930.

his mum used to pass him food through the gates whilst he did national service .

hopefully you'll get more replies from mums in the same situation as you but really don't look at it as a bad thing

My ds is an only (aged 7) although I'm not a single parent. He seems to have turned out fine - has quite a few friends, and is very happy without siblings. He plays well alone and with friends.

The only thing I worry about a little is that he will regret the lack of siblings as an adult. However, although I get on pretty well with my two sisters, my dh doesn't have much contact with his brother and sister. It's not that they don't get on at all, just that they are not very close. But that maybe because two of them are men!

I think often girls are closer to their sisters than boys to their brothers/sisters.

My dh is an only child and he has never wished he had siblings! Why would he??? All the attention, no fighting and arguing over toys/ clothes/ or any thing else for that matter! Because of this he is the most generous and caring person I have ever ever met and is not at all spoilt or selfish. I on the other hand had a brother and a sister (both older) and whilst I adore them I can't say we were that close as children. If anything they taught me to be more selfish and competative (not in a good way!) I seriously have to WIN everything. Even have to race to the car and make sure I get MY seatbelt on before dh or else I'm livid!

I must admit, i'm glad I have siblings but my dh is glad he doesn't so I guess it's what ever you're used to. He won't know any different so please don't feel bad. My ds is likely to be and only child too and that doesn't bother me!

I grew up with siblings and I was happy and, I think, reasonably well adjusted- but I have met so many people who were only children and are also happy and well adjusted. I really don't think there's anything in it. I've known other people whose major asset in childhood was a stepmother- but I don't feel I have to provide my dc's with one of those, just because somebody else had them. The main thing is, that the people who are important in your life get on, not exactly who they are.

Hi, I've got an only, though I'm not a single mum. My DS has certainly not become a brat and doesn't have problems sharing - I think as long as they're around other children they'll learn that stuff. I guess it may be harder as a single mum because it's such a one-to-one situation, which is different from being a threesome - but if you have fairly close relationships with the rest of your family then he will see how different relationships work and be exposed to different influences.

There are a lot of positives about having an only - it does make for a different family dynamic, as it pushes you to discuss things and make decisions together far more than you might with "the children", and you don't have the bickering and sibling rivalry.

But having just one was a positive choice for us - I assume that it was just a result of your circumstances for you, and you might otherwise have had more? You need to come to terms with the loss of what you hoped to have, to let you be positive about what you do have.

If your DS is selfish (pretty normal in 6 year olds, with or without siblings), one thing which might help would be getting him a pet? Don't know if that's practical for you but being responsible for something smaller than you can help you to feel like a more responsible person IYSWIM.

Well I'm 43 (no longer menstruating so no chance of another child) with a 3.5 year old and I too have really struggled with this.

For me it is a bit like a bereavement for the the'children I never had and I would find myself crying about it constantlyu and waking in the night worrying about ds being all alone.

Recently I have come to the realisation though that this is the way it is and I can choose to see the positives or harp on the negatives and the former seems more constructive if a bit 'forced' sometimes .

It is also important to me that ds never feels that he was 'not enough' for me so I am actively trying to live with the sadness because for me I think it will always be there) but not to let that sadness get in the way of enjoying what I do have.

It is hard though and I actaully would love to have more children in the house.

My DH is an only child of an Only father, and we have just ( 3 days ago ) decided not to try again for another child.
We didn't want DS to be an only aswell because the lack of family really, we wanted one more maybe another one after that, but its not fesable anymore.
and tbh i have had a few tears about it
My DH didn't like being an only child, but i think thats because he picked up on his parents dissapointment about not being able to have more.
He has plenty of friends and is lovely, polite, kind and generous so i don't think an only child will grow up automatically selfish and spoilt, its all down to parenting really.
I keep talking through the positives trying to convince myself its the right choice for us all.
what scares me the most is when me and DH are no longer around and he will then literally have no immediate family around, it just makes me sad.
So ive already decided we are going to be the kind of parents who take him on holidays and let him invite a friend etc.
he can have as many sleep overs as he wants and join as many clubs as he can handle!

Well I have an ?only? and after speaking to friends who are also an ?only?. I have found that most ?only?s? can be more outgoing and sociable, as they didn't have any siblings to hide behind or play with. Of all my friends the ?only?s? are the kindest, friendliest and most outgoing. So because of this I am proud to have an ?only?.
My DS will always know he is more than we ever dreamed of and any more children are not required to complete our family.

Hi there. There is a board on MN specifically for chat with parents of onlies (for all sorts of reasons - those who actively wanted an only child, those who couldn't conceive again etc etc). Might be worth posting this there, too.