to want to avoid my friend's 4 1/2 yr old ds?

[workstostaysane]

we went to a park the other day and he was bullying and aggressive to every other child he met - at least those who were smaller than him. he never takes on anyone bigger.

2 children were playing with a mound of something grassy and when they went off to get something, he snuck up and kicked it to pieces and then ran away before they got back.

if he trips over or does not get his own way, he screams like he has been electrocuted, for ages and ages.

he will push and shove to get his way in everything.

he says he 'hates everyone he does not know' (i'm ok because i know him)

he is unhelpful, obstructive, argumentative and grudging of any new activity.

i know a few other 4 1/2 yr old boys and IME, they are all very sweet energetic happy children.
AIBU to think this one's behaviour is that of an unhappy kid?

Not necessarily. Sounds in some ways like my nephew who was a well-looked after, much loved and not over-indulged little boy (with a younger brother too), but who found it really hard to cope with other children until he was about 5. But has now matured and is great fun to play with according to ds. And I now find him a very pleasant little boy to talk to. In his case, I think it was extreme shyness/immaturity which manifested itself as aggression and whingeing. I'd give your friend's ds a chance- it's only through being with other children that he will learn social skills.

i hope you're right cory. i think he is a well loved and cared for little boy. the 'i hate everyone' thing worried me though; as did destroying other children's playthings for no reason whatsoever.
i do think he's unconfident and doesn't know how to cope, but he does go to nursery and has done for at least 21/2 years so shouldn't he be able to deal with other children by now?

He may just be a slow developer. Obviously I can't know for sure, but my nephew also went to nursery and he still needed time to grow into the social role. He was acutely jealous of other children - if ds built a sandcastle he'd stomp on it, instead of building his own or joining ds. But it did pass in the end.