Do all 3 1/2 year olds have attitused?

[antsmum]

Hi all, this is my first time on here, but I really could do with some advise.

I have a 3 1/2 year old who can be very nasty at times. He answers back, he speaks to you as though you are a piece of s**t and all for no apparent reason.

I hope that someone will tell me that this is a phase and he is just pushing me to see how far he will get.

Penny

[SoupDragon]

Well, I can't tell you it's just a phase but DS1 (4 this Feb) turned into a teenager at 3!

Welcome to mumsnet by the way.

[easy]

Wow, this is my first time too, and I came to get some similar advice.
I have a 3 1/4 year old, who is just downright disobedient! he will NEVER do as asked, unless he is bribed or physically made to do it, and will sometimes hit me or other family members, just because he feels like it.
I have tried different tactics to deal with the hitting, from shouting at him, through withdrawing privileges to ignoring him. Sometimes he will apologise, sometimes even promise never to do it again, but of course it happens again.
my other problem is that I am petite, and physically disabled, while he is large for his age, and quite strong. I can no longer make him do things if he won't co-operate, and I feel he is getting out of my control.
Can anyone suggest a way for me to regain disciplinary respect?

[aloha]

I feel like a stuck record but IME of looking after other people's children in my youth truly, truly ignoring bad behaviour does seem to work - BUT is has to be paired with huge amounts of praise for good behaviour of any kind. Even just being 'normal' should get lots of praise. Also slowing down to a child's pace, playing with them instead of trying to get on with housework/work etc, picking your battles carefully (& not feeling it is wrong to back down/give in etc if it's not important - which means dangerous in my book). Let the child do whatever they want unless it is truly dangerous, cruel or you absolutely have to get out of the house for something important. I know some people might think this very soft but I found that working towards cooperation and enjoyment worked better than trying to get respect through discipline. I imagine it is hard parenting a big, strong boy with your disability, but perhaps trying for a few days to really ease off on the discipline, up the praise and attention and see what happens.

[Temptress]

I also find that really praising the good behaviour and ignoring the bad works. At that age they are just trying to see how far they can push but they get fed up when no notice is taken.

[breeze]

i do find that my son does responde better when i take the time to play/ignore bad behaviour, its okay in thiory but when i do not have the time to spend with him (which is quite a lot of the time) it seems as if it is spiralling out of control again. good luck, its hard but helps to know that there are others out there in the same boat, i have only been on this site for a few days and had some wonderful advice and feel much better about myself and my demanding role as mummy.

[Debbo]

Dear Penny,

Don't worry too much about your sons behaviour. My 3 year old daughter goes from being a loving, generous and thoughtful child one moment, to being a complete nightmare the next. It's like she's a completely different child. I've got 2 older children so I know that it's only a phase (that's what I tell myself to get me through it anyway) Just ride it out. It gets better....honest.

Debbie

[Chelle]

My 3.5 yo ds is exactly as you are all describing. He is a warm and loving little boy but can turn on you in a millisecond if things are not going to his plan!

He talks back and consistently says "No" when asked to do something. He yells at us and deliberately continues doing something he's been told not to do, just to see how far he can push! He ignores me when I'm talking to him (he does not have a hearing problem!) and sometimes even spits at us (or calls us names!) when we try to enforce a rule! All this has started in the last month and it all comes from a little boy who is very loving and affectionate, likes to help around the house and farm and, until recently, has not seemed to have an aggressive bone in his body!

I will keep my fingers crossed that this is a phase while I am trying to work out how best to manage the little monster that has suddenly arrived at our house!