Bedtime battles with 6 year old

[HappyHam90]

I am having a really rough time with my 6 year old daughter.
She goes to bed at approximately 7-7.30, she watches her iPad for 20minites( no hate for this, during a rough bedtime phase before this helped to calm her and settle her), however after this she starts misbehaving. She screams, shouts, gets out of bed, messes about, thinks it’s all a big game. We have tried changing the bedtime, we have set clear boundaries for her routine, but still it’s taking about 2-2.5hojrs for her to eventually go to sleep, after fighting and taking up the whole of our time doing this.
it is becoming so stressful, we are unable to get things done at night as we are constantly having to put her to bed everytime she gets out which she then thinks is a big game , she laughs at us. It really is soul destroying and I don’t know what else to do , nothing I seem to be implementing : like punishments taking things off her , stoping nice things etc has little to no effect. I am at my wits end and I dread bedtime every single night.

This sounds so hard. I'm so sorry. My children are younger than yours, so these ideas might not be helpful but... Can you have a think how to make bedtimes as fun and relaxing as possible, e.g., a bath bomb in the bath etc. etc. Plan out your bedtime routine with your anyone who also does bedtime (so it's water tight and consistent) and share with your child (e.g., after your teeth, we'll go read two books together, etc. etc.) and then you could have a reward chart with a prize of her choosing (obvs something appropriate) for a certain number of good bedtimes? Another ideas - a clipboard with a tick list of the bedtime routine that she can tick off... Personally I would remove the iPad time as it sounds like she's throwing a tantrum afterwards and so the bad behaviour is just delayed! Can screen time be a reward in the morning for a good bedtime? Does she struggle falling asleep on her own? Can she listen to an audio book etc? I'd tighten the routine and be mega zen and then just sit out her room and the only thing you say is, "go back to bed now". Take her calmly back to bed if needed. And repeat. And heap praise on her for good behaviour. And just to throw out there, is the bedtime too late / early?

Get rid of the Ipad. Maybe it helped before, but it is the worst thing to do right before bed. No judgement, because we all do things that we need to do, and I'm sure it did help before, but clearly it isn't working now.

Then try and figure out whether she is actually tired? My son, who is slightly younger isn't tired at 7pm. If I tried to put him to bed then, it would be a nightmare. Is she actually tired, looking and acting sleepy? Showing signs of wanting to go to bed at 7? or is that just a time that you and your partner have decided?

For me I would adjust everything before the routine first. Try later, Try to take her out for a long walk/run/play in the evening, a lot more physical exercise. No screens before bed etc. All to make sure she is actually very tired.

Then maybe you can adjust and tweak the routine to see what works.

Firstly, is there anything else going on in her life that might be upsetting or worrying her? Issues with a friend, changes in the family, to her clubs/hobbies, anything? One of mine can play up majorly at bedtime when she's upset about something else, and whilst I try to hold the boundaries, the actual solution in that case is to help her work through the other issue.

Besides that, if it's a game, you need to make it a boring one. Absolute minimum reaction – don't get annoyed, don't try and reason with her, bribe her, anything. Just take her back to her room, almost like you were a robot doing it. I prefer the same stock phrase, e.g., 'Bedtime, darling', on absolute repeat (exact same words, same tone, same volume), but some people don't say anything after the first time or two.

The flip side of that is that you want to make staying in her bed more appealing than being blandly escorted back time after time. Does she something like a Yoto player for audio books/music? Could she read in bed? Play quietly with some cuddly toys? Or even perhaps draw/colour quietly at her desk/table/on the floor until she's tired enough to get into bed?

If there are two of you, tag team – know who's night it is on duty, and the other one go into a room where they're out of sight and can have a bit of an evening. Possibly even leave the house.