Disciplining toddlers when out and about

[diplodocus]

My DD is a typically wilful 2.6 year old. She needs and responds to clear parameters, and if needed at home we discipline her by giving her three warnings and then putting her in the hall for a minute (sort of naughty step idea). It's worked fine and we very rarely get to the third warning. However, in the last few weeks she's been really playing up when out and about (throwing things in shops, major strops, running off etc.) and I feel a bit at a loss as to what to do. Distraction / positive praise / telling her off firmly isn't always working at the moment and I find she doesn't really understand the idea of further consequences yet (i.we. if you're good while we do the shopping we'll go to the park). No point in taking her outside for a few minutes as that's probably what she wants. What do other people who use "naughty step" type approaches at home do. Also have a 6 month old, so can make things a bit more complicated.

Hi diplodocus.I can sympathise with you as had same sit with same age gap children.I wonder if your dd needs something more immediate than the promise of the park if good at shopping.To a toddler that is a long time.Have you tried giving her a sticker or something she likes every couple of mins when shes been good and then if she gets 10 or something you can go to the park?? It is all very time consuming but it might work.Or maybe draw a shopping list for her of some things that she can go off and get for you(while you run like crazy and get as much else as you can!!)And obviously loads of praise when she gets them.Or maybe pictures of things she can spot when out and get a sticker each time she sees them.
HTH

Thanks yummymum. Like the sticker idea - might work with her. Have tried versions of the other ones (er, we sometime look for doggies' bottoms, which are one of her favourite things!) but only tends to work for a few minutes.

My DS1 now 2.11 has been really difficult for the last 6 months when we're out. We also do 3 warnings and then the naughty step at home.

When DS was around 2.6mths I kept it simple when we were out and he had to go on the wrist strap if he was naughty. He sometimes got 3 warnings depending how serious. I hook it over the buggy handle as I also have a 11 month old.

You have to be really consistent for it to work but it really is a lot better now.

Now he's a lot more responsive to other consequences which relate to the type of behaviour. Eg. You go on the wrist-strap if you run off, You don't go on the helicopter outside Asda if you touch things (I don't pay for it), you have your sticks taken if you hit walls with them, you get your juice taken if you skwirt it.

The main thing is to tell them what's going to happen before you count to 3 and then follow through.

It does get better ... slightly

I found these 2 books really helpful

123 Magic

Setting Limits for your strong willed child

yep
the thing is it is an investment for children to learn early on that they will not get a good result if they play up badly. I happily bodily carried DD all the way home from the cafe when she was naughty once ( after suitable warnings of course). I got some very odd looks as I lugged her like a roll of carpet down the high street. But it meantthat if i said " if you do x we will leave" she knew I would get up and leave.
it is like chicken. you can't blink .
But that was it. She got it. Only had to do it once and she is like a dream when we are out.

Reins work well for running off when they're little- and when they're a bit bigger the threat of reins works even better .

Throwing things- I'd stick them in the buggy and park it well away from the shelves etc.

Giving one warning is good. and I too have carried squealing piggie under my arm all the way home.

You are quite right about further consequences being inappropriate for her age- it always bugs me when I see mums on MN going 'oh, and I have told my 3yo that she can't go swimming next week-end if she has a tantrum now'. Consequences need to be immediate- and then you need to make up.

Thanks all. I use reins on occasions when I need to for safety. Have tried the threat as a deterent, but doesn't work - if I put her on them as a "punishment" she just sits on the floor. She's fine with them otherwise! Can't stick in a buggy (which is what I used to do) or carry screaming away (which I'd be happy to do!) as have DD2 (6 months) with me. It's fine in the supermarket as she'll happily sit in a trolly with her little sister and chat to passers-by. I think that's the thing - she knows I can't do a lot of the physical "restraining" for want of a better word now there are two of them and takes the mick. I like the book 1 2 3 magic, but think it's a bit weak on what to do in public with such a small child where immediate consequences are needed.

i'm gonna try the naughty spot idea. You take a cloth i,e a tea towel, flannel, and if they refuse to do what they are told they have to sit on it WHEREVER they are. So allow extra time for trips out and don't give a damn what anyone else thinks. Make her apologise when the time is up and she must walk nicely, hold on to pushchair etc.