21m DS driving me up the wall, keep shouting at him, dunno how to deal with him!

[bohemianbint]

Doesn't help that am 27 weeks pregnant and getting less mobile by the day.

He is deliberately doing stuff to wind me up... FOr example if I say "come here", he'll ignore for as long as possible, then looks at me with the cheekiest face in the world and takes the smallest steps possible, laughing the whole time!

His other trick is to let out high pitched screams - constantly - whenever we're in a shop. He's not stropping, just making the noise, over and over and over. (You may have seen my other thread re the constant "GO AWAY" shouting.)

He wriggles, is generally unco-operative, throws the cream across the room when I try to change his nappy, kicks me in the stomach, etc etc. I could go on.

I just feel completely powerless to stop him, I've tried coming down to his level and speaking sternly but he just takes the piss and copies me, and I don't really know how to follow on from that so I shout at him and we both get stressed.

I love him to bits, and he can be so lovely, when he's not being a little sod. And I don't like feeling like I have no power as a parent to make him behave, you can see people looking at me like I'm impotent and rubbish.

What can I do?!

Bohemian sorry to hear things are stressy at the moment....

My 25 month old often does things like this - kicking on the chnaging table and doing naughty stuff with a look on his face that says he knows it's wrong.....

I have learnt the hard way since it's been happening that shouting doesn't solve it and only makes you fell crap afterwards.....I find that staying calm is the only solution and also to ignore (where you can) that bad behavour.....

Yesterday we were in a shop when he saw one of those kiddy trolleys...we had to go and he wouldn't put it back...we spent a good 15 mons with him sat on the pavement crying and refusing to move but I kept calm told him we had to go before the playground we were onroute to closed and he came round and got up. I had lots of strange looks from folks but in the end, by remaining calm, I had control (and felt really good as opposed to feeling crap by shouting).

As for kicking on the chnaging mat - you can either put him down until he calms down or turn him around so his feet aren't facing you.

I know it's not easy to stay calm and ignore but for me this is the best way ...

hope things get better x

I think it is because he knows it winds you up. If it doesn't have the desired effect, the behvaviour should soon lose its appeal. Sounds like you need to laugh off a bit more of this sort of thing or ignore it.

With the kicking your belly, hold his legs still, firmly tell him it is not allowed because it hurts and move out of reach (not easy when changing nappy!). You can't MAKE him stop but doesn't mean you should ignore something like this.

Or get him to stand up while you change him (he can't kick then). DS wouldn't lie down anyway and I soon got the hang of hzndling soiled nappies in this position.

He's still a baby. All the reasoning, shouting, moaning and being pregnant and tired and NEEDING him to be better behaved won't turn him into an older child.

It is very very hard, they do wind you up on purpose, his behavior is entirely normal for his age and so is telling off not working. He's 21 months old, still in nappies, some babies are still breastfed, you can't expect much and get it, I'm afraid.

Thank you for the replies.

I try to ignore most of it but I've been on a bit of a short fuse recently. I've been ill and had a non-stop migraine type headache for over a week so the high pitched screeching really does my head in.

Will have a go at changing him standing up. He just always seems to pick his moments when we're in a rush to get out.

Poor love, sending lots of big hugs! Smugcolditz is right of course, but that won't make your headache any less painful. Hope you feel better soon and then you'll find it easier to cope.

Yes I pass on sympathy for you to it must be hard. I have to say I don't really beleive he is doing to upset you, just a way he has learnt to get your attention perhaps?
I have a couple of great books that have helped me with my 21 month DS The Baby Whisperer and the Mighty Toddler. Both similar ways of helping you deal with them at this age. Good luck with your pregnancy and hope your head feels better soon

Thank you for the support! I think he just has a lot of energy and needs to be interested in something all the time. Which is fair enough, but sometimes we have to do rubbish things like shopping and he's just going to have to get used to it. I'm hoping as he gets more and more words he'll be able to express himself better which might hopefully help.

oops I have a DD not a DS!

Hmm... would it help to see some of his behaviour as playful and cheeky? i sometimes say to dd that she is being a 'cheeky monkey' and now she needs to xyz rather than saying 'stop doing abc' iykwim. So if dd was screaming, I might say 'can you go eek eek eek like a mouse' or something slightly less irritating .

It does sort of work in allowing others (in public etc - why is it always in public??!!) to view it as normal, toddler behaviour rather than child from hell. Unfortunately, I'd think you just need to be 'on it' (really hard I know, am 30wks preg myself and its SOOOOO much harder now) and constantly offer things to look at or get or do when shopping.

For stuff at home, eg the wriggling, kicking while nappy-changing. Tbh I'd just say 'no dd, don't kick me' and walk away and do the nappy in a minute. But it IS hard. And I don't know about you, but I'd completely forgotten how knackered being pregnant makes you! Bring on the cbeebies, that's what I say...

Umlellala - thanks! I am actually finding this time far worse than last time, I feel like have been ill for 27 weeks and I never got that burst of energy you're supposed to in the 2nd trimester! Ah well.

Funny you should say about the mouse thing, I have been distracting him by asking him to sing me a song instead. I usually get about 2 lines of Ruby by the Kaiser Chiefs before he kicks off again. Still, probably just a phase eh...

dd is 25mths and tells everyone to go away and the smell.... called her aunty tarnia a moo cow today and when i told her thats not nice she laughed and kept saying it!! Its part and parcel of their develpoment, testing the boundaries....sorry!!

Hi chick,

Looking through Mumsnet tonight with exactly the same question as you! My tactic at the moment is ignoring the whining, screaming, sobbing, leg pulling and general bad temper. I try and do something else and wait for her to get interested (i.e. took her out of her highchair today cos she was screaming, put her straight on the floor and she sobbed buckets whilst pulling my jeans, so I walked away from her into the other room and pretended to be really interested picking up a load of beads from the carpet which she'd been playing with earlier.)

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I find I take it personally but luckily the more stressed and upset I get by it the more I withdraw (i.e. I ignore her because I can't be arsed rather than shouting).

It's hard to detach adult reasoning though. Especially when you make the effort to do something special for them that you think they should enjoy. Like sitting on a gorgeous cornish beach this weekend in glorious sunshine only for her to whinge and scream the whole time - all I was thinking was that she'd be happier being carted round tesco in a trolley, why do I bother!

Just think.. in a couple of weeks we'll be able to drown our sorrows over a big bottle of red!

xx