Separation anxiety & parental preference - HELP

[NicsTP86]

I’m at a loss what to do. My LG (21m) has had parental preference for over 10m now and it’s gotten so bad it’s developed into really bad separation anxiety. Her dad can’t even go in to get her in the morning or do bath/bedtime without tears, coughing and chocking. He’s been so patient but 10m down the line I can see it really hurts him that he can’t seem to comfort her.

For context she’s been in full time nursery since 12m and loves it. She has no issue going and she is totally fine with dad when I’m not home but if she knows I’m there she will push dad away and break her heart if she can’t see me. We both work full time and I definitely spend more time playing with her as dad needs to log on at home since he goes in late or leaves early to help with nursery drop off/pick up.

Any advice is much appreciated as I’m lost on what to do and it’s breaking my heart watching it all happen as I see so many children that seem to have no preference of parents.

All the advice I’d read says not to push being away from you. So if you know she prefers you to do things when you’re home then lean into that for now.

Equally though, if you know they’re fine when you’re not there start not being there more. So take up the gym or running in the evenings around bedtime and make sure they have a regular morning or afternoon at the weekend when they’re together, preferably out of the house so that you can catch up on work, housework or sleep

Thank you @BunnyRuddington really good ideas of removing myself from the house at bedtime and I said to him last night I’m going to give them some solo time at the weekend too.

We have this the other way around with my 23 month old. Let me tell you though, when his dad went overseas, he only asked for him once and then quickly forgot about him pretty much. Is this an option. Could your partner spent time with her alone more?

@Fmlgirl yes when I’m not there it’s all fine so I’m defo going to try give them more alone time

Hi

Just wanted to say I’m going through the same with my daughter (now 22m). She had really bad separation anxiety at 6/7 months with anybody other than me, but then she got a bit happier with my husband and then other people. But then since she was around 11m she always chooses me over my husband. I had to put her to bed every night for 4 months because she’d scream if he went near her at bedtime. She’d cry if he went in to get her out of the cot in the morning.

It’s since got better similar to you in that she’s fine with him when I’m not around, but when I am she’ll always come to me. She’ll hug me but not him, she won’t hold his hand she’ll ask for mine. If he tries to help her with something it’s always “mummy do it”. We spend probably equal amounts of time with her, and we both have 1 day a week off work to look after her solo. It’s so upsetting for my husband, it really gets to him.

@Summersun91 oh I’m sorry you’re going through this too. I felt like I was reading my own post there x