Toddler doesn't say goodbye to (some) grandparents

[Lbhughes85]

My 3 year old is going through a phase of not saying hello or goodbye to my mum, when she goes there twice a week. She can be affectionate towards her nan in other ways (and apparently more so when I'm not there), but often she'll refuse to say goodbye/hug/kiss and ask to go home. Whilst my mum doesn't make a fuss, I can tell it upsets her. Her other nan (my MIL) looks after her much less often and my daughter will always give her a cuddle and kiss goodbye, and I'm worried she's showing her to be the favourite grandparent. I wonder if it's because my MIL does more fun things with her than my mum does.

I know I shouldn't force anything or let this get to me, but it's on my mind at the moment a lot.

Appreciate any advice. Is there something different I should be doing?

You are crediting a three year old with adult thinking. I doubt whether DD has worked out who is acceptable and who not.

Toddlers back away from a kiss for all sorts of reasons. Wet kisses are definitely out, and bad breath a real turn off. These are quite different to whether one is liked better than the other.

Is she is so familiar with your mum because she could be recognising a deeper family affection with your mother than with MIL?

Do you think instinct tells DD to demonstrate affection to someone she doesn't see so often? What I am trying to say, and making a bit of a pig's ear of it, is that nature gives babies a big smile as a means of protection: who would harm a baby with such a smile?

Perhaps she is getting to know her other gran by showing affection she does not need to show to your mum?

Do you greet your mum with a kiss and say goodbye with a kiss? If you don't try doing that gradually, so as not to arouse DD's suspicion, and she may do the same.

Don't suddenly be all over MIL. She and DD would get suspicious.

All these are just suggestions to give you food for thought. You know your DD so you would know what would apply.

Too often people credit toddlers and young children with adult thoughts and reasoning. DD will do that when she is more mature.