Won’t play without us when we go out

[Peonyyyy]

Our son is very sociable at home, he loves to play with us and makes up imaginary games and physical games etc and also plays on his own sometimes for short periods. He has some good friends at nursery and they haven’t raised any concerns, they know he’s shy and he doesn’t always want to fully join in with things but he’s always happy to go there especially when his friends are there, and the staff tell me he plays with them all day. At this nursery they do tell parents if there is any concerns so I am confident he’s ok there.

when we go to a soft play or playground he will often want me to do it with him, which I’ll do to start with and sometimes then can back off and just cheer him on from the sidelines.

hes going through a really bad patch at ye moment where he won’t go on anything if a child is anywhere in the viscinity, and if a child approaches while he’s on the slide he will get off without going down it and then sulk that the child is on it. It’s very frustrating, I explain to him that you just take turns and the child would wait for him to finish but he still doesn’t go on anything.

even when we have a play date with his friends from nursery, they will
be off playing straight away and he will take at least half an hour to even play with them, despite being excited to go.

it’s very frustrating, I’m happy to play with him but I really want him to enjoy himself and he just isn’t when he’s so scared of other children and is being so shy.

I ask him why and if anythiing has happened at nursery, was anyone unkind, did anyone hurt you etc but he says no. He is going to be 4 in a few months. Has anyone else been through this?

Recent example - we were at a very small soft play and 3 toddlers were also there. He wanted to go on the slide, but they kept going on it. He refused to go on it until they had all stopped playing on it, I told him that could be a very long time and there was plenty of room for them all to play on it but no. So I suggested we play something else in the soft play until they’d finished - no. I suggested leaving and sitting in the cafe for a bit with a snack - no. So we were just in there staring at a slide with him sulking for 20 mins. I’m very encouraging without forcing and I do understand as I was a shy child myself but I just want him to enjoy himself and not be scared of other kids.

I don't think this is something you can force, I would just do what you're doing for now. Parents often make great play mates because they know the rules and follow them! Try not to be frustrated by it, just accept it's where he is right now and keep doing as you're doing. Let him observe for a bit or wait till he's happy/ready if he wants.

3-4 is a really interesting age, they start to realise that their perception of the world is different to others (hence the introduction of being able to lie!). I do think this comes with the realisation that other people can have opinions and thoughts about you - for some children I imagine this can make them feel shy/ awkward. My 3 year old has recently become upset on occasion thinking others were laughing at her.

Keep doing what you're doing and encouraging him, he'll develop through it x