Attachment to mum

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Hello. I was wondering if anyone could recommended some books that may help. My LO is 20 months old. She goes to nursery twice a week and is looked after by grandparents once a week. She is good as gold with them. Behaves well, eats & sleeps well. With me it is a different matter. The issue also arises when I am present in any setting. I spent the weekend with my parents who looked after her 1 day. She was the perfect grandchild. The 2 days I was there with them, she had continued tantrums, would only want me to play with her / help/ feed her / change her etc. When I’m not around she is fine. When I am with her, she is very difficult and I’m not sure what to do! Had anyone else experienced this or could recommend some reading that might help? Thank you!

From what I’ve read and my own experience, babies and children are often their worst with the people they love the most and feel most comfortable with. With my first child I often took this personally and felt he didn’t like me, but it’s actually the opposite. It’s because he felt safe around me to let out his feelings.

your child may be picking up on your tension now and I would say just to adjust your expectations, help them through what they are feeling and show them love and it will pass. Just try to enjoy your child as much as possible. It’s not lovely all the time, most days are hard with some lovely moments. Try to see the positives and fill the day with lots of stimulation for your child, fresh air and naps so you can get a rest and so can they.

my MIL didn’t actually believe that our son had colic because he never cried with her. I can tell you - he cried all the time with me! But there was wonderful magical moments in between and he’s got better and better as he’s got older.

im saying this now I have two and my first is starting to grow up (he’s going to school next year) so I’m starting to become one of those people who says ‘enjoy it while it lasts!’ Even though I know I didn’t feel like that when I was in the trenches with him.

hang in there and remember it’s actually a compliment !

one thing I found helpful to recognise is that I would often write off the whole day as ruined if we had a difficult morning. I’ve tried to reframe that - yes we’ve had a bad morning but we can turn it around by getting out of the house or chilling out at home. You are probably a perfectionist like me and worried you’re doing it wrong for your child to be like this with you but you aren’t. They feel safe and secure enough to let it all out with you x

Thank you so much @Peonyyyy for taking the time to reply. Your kind words give me comfort & hope!

I will certainly take your advice to enjoy being with my child & the lovely moments we have. I am sometimes guilty of not getting out of the house in case she has a tantrum so I will definitely make more of a conscious effort to ensure we both get a bit of fresh air and a change of scenery.

I appreciate your help & advice. Thank you x

Children definitely act out the most when they feel safe.

one thing I found helpful to recognise is that I would often write off the whole day as ruined if we had a difficult morning. I’ve tried to reframe that - yes we’ve had a bad morning but we can turn it around by getting out of the house or chilling out at home

Definitely this! If you're tired, annoyed etc and can't believe you have another five hours of this to go - just think, "ok, now we are going to have a good day".