4yr old DS won't share his toys when friends come round to play....help!

[Linz13]

Hi, my DS who is 4yrs behaves really badly when male friends come round to play, he snatches toys from them and screams and cries if they touch his 'favourite' digger, car etc...I try and prepare him beforehand by having discussions about how they let him play with their toys at their houses, and what it makes his friend feel like when he is rude to them...Am I expecting too much of him. He has a younger sister who is 2yrs old and we have the usual sibling squabbles but not as bad as when her male friend who is also 2yrs comes round to play...I think he sees him as a threat? Help anyone!

I have same problem with my 3-year-old ds. One thing that does really help is before friends come round I ask him if there are any special toys he'd like to put in his room so they can't touch them. it's different things every time, but it does seem to give him a sense of control over his things and then he's much happier letting his friends play with his other toys. I suppose it's a bit like if a friend of mine came round and started just trying on my clothes without asking IYSWIM.

I have same problem with my 3-year-old ds. One thing that does really help is before friends come round I ask him if there are any special toys he'd like to put in his room so they can't touch them. it's different things every time, but it does seem to give him a sense of control over his things and then he's much happier letting his friends play with his other toys. I suppose it's a bit like if a friend of mine came round and started just trying on my clothes without asking IYSWIM.

Thanks for advice, I am planning to invite some of his friends over at half term and I will try this.

Yes, I would echo the advice of putting away some toys of his choice beforehand. It gives them a sense of control. Then if they're still really rotten about sharing even their worst toys suggest you might not have friends round for a while.
Both these things defo worked with my kids and dd who is now 10 will still hide odd things before a friend comes round if she feels it isn't something she would like to "share".

My DD was exactly the same at 4. She is now 6 and is a bit better but still finds it hard sharing. In despair I started a thread a little while ago on this topic & it sounds like there are plenty more like her out there!
I find it works best if I have the time to set up some activity that she and friend can do somewhere other than her bedroom - eg colouring on the kitchen table. I also have a few things that are 'mine' (some cheap playdough, crayons, paint, shoeboxes, & a pile of nice coloured card offcuts tatted from the local printer). These come out for dd and friend to use - but they are not hers, so there is no issue about sharing her stuff.
The other tactic that is always successful is doing some cooking (eg icing biscuits, making crispie cakes), but of course that only works if I've got the time and/or ingredients.
When she was smaller we did the thing of putting away special things - but now if she's in the wrong mood she just says 'no, you can't use that its special' to anything that her friend touches

I am another who has used the putting away one or two special things trick and with my ds it has worked absolutely - he just NEVER makes a fuss about sharing and even offers to let his cousins borrow toys

I know the common pre-conception is that only children will be bad at sharing but I have found the opposite with ds...I have wondered if it's because he doesn't have to do it on a daily basis with a sibling, so he's not getting fed up with it and therefore getting possessive!!

anyway that's by the by really; I am sure putting away some things will help alot, andI think Takver's idea of having some play things that belong to mum - that's so clever

And don't worry, some are better than others, some take longer than others but they all get there in the end with sharing

Its a funny one, isn't it. I got my collection of bits & pieces because I often help at coffee mornings etc & DD started (not unreasonably) to object to me taking her toys along for the children's corner.
Now, she's fine with that - and will even get together a box of lego or whatever for me to take. And then sometimes she's absolutely fine with visiting children - I would have said only with friends she knows well, except that yesterday we had a little girl round that she'd never met before, and they played perfectly happily for about 2 hours while I talked to her mum.
Other times - usually with friends from school who've not visited our house before - she's a complete nightmare and won't share anything! Like you say Honoria I don't think its particularly an only child thing - DD has friends who are onlies who would give away their last toy without thinking about it. I think its just a personality thing.