Nearly 4 year old had a couple of weird massively extreme panic attack type things - does this sound like something I should be worried about?

[whysostressed]

hi

my nearly 4 year old has had a couple of very extreme reactions recently - both for a very minor reason (actually I don't know what triggered the first)

in both cases she suddenly flung herself at me, screamed, cried hysterically, shouted that she wanted to go home and I really couldn't calm her down for a good 10 mins. they appeared to be related to some kind of embarrassment (the first time she screamed 'don't say that!' at me when I was a long way away and hadn't said anything a) upsetting or b) within her earshot).

she is very sensitive, can be extremely shy but also very bright and confident. These were definitely different to either a normal tantrum or any behaviour she has shown before. fwiw she is also very sensitive to certain noises (hates balloons and hand dryers in toilets)

does this sound like something i should be worried about?

please excuse if I don't answer straight away, got to start putting her to bed!

TIA

just bumping before i go and put her to bed, hope someone has some wise words!

Ooh, I don't know I'm afraid, my dd's only 2; however I thought I'd answer just to bump your post again. Good luck, hope someone can help!

Sounds just like my dc4 - she hates hand dryers, loud noises, and can overreact in exactly the same way. Now she is 6 she is calming down emotionally but is verbally more challenging. I wouldn't worry about it AT ALL, as she will pick up on it, but remain very calm around her until you can work out what might be triggering the explosion, whether for example its caused by tiredness, over stimulation, a fright, food, or any one of a number of triggers . Then come back and tell us what seems to trigger them! But above all, don't worry, it may just be a developmental phase she will stop as quickly as she started it

thanks Nyx and Sal - was beginning to think no one was going to answer!

sal, that's just what is weird, I really don't know what is triggering these last two explosions and I do know dd pretty well. they just seemed to come on incredibly suddenly and the cause (insofar as it could be identified) was very, very trivial. As I said, they seemed to be related to being embarrassed.

what triggered your dd? and what do you mean by calming down emotionally but being verbally more challenging? did she have any trouble at school when she started? I ask because I know dd can upset/freak out other kids a bit when she does one of her turns and has the loudest scream in christendom!

My dd was terrified of people dressed up as animals, Guy Fawkes, that sort of thing; she went completely hysterical. Also hand driers.
My little brother was scared of tunnels, railway crossings, stoves and probably a few other things I can't remember.
I think it's perfectly normal and it does pass.

thanks cory

I'm not really worried about dd being scared of these things (I realise that's normal!), it was these two particularly strange freakouts that bothered me, in that they were so violent and so unprovoked.

that was really my question, the being scared of dryers etc was more background info!

Could it possibly be related to something that reminds her of a previous traumatic event?
My DD1 is 4.5 and last Sept. we were witness to a violent knife attack on a minibus
For months afterwards whenever she saw lads any older than about 7 or 8, or heard shouting, or even stamping, she would just go into meltdown - complete panic, crying, running blindly away, begging us to take her home etc. This would happen at the theatre (shouting), folk dance show (stamping), playground (kids running, more than one of).

I saw a psychologist about how to deal with it, if you want I can try and remember her advice, though none of it really worked, just time and plenty of reassurance. Even now I can't even think of taking her on a minibus, even a big city bus or tram is v. traumatic for her and have only started recently...
It could be something much less objectively traumatic that just freaked her out, maybe you weren't there - preschool? nursery? maybe even a tv prog that scared her.

Don't think I explained quite how hysterical dd used to get when she saw somebody dressed up- but it was pretty major, hysterical screaming, hyperventilating and that sense that you can't reach them.

I think Jessia is right and she has seen, or suddenly been reminded of something that freaked her out.

Embarrassment can work like that with young children; being embarrassed is traumatic. In fact, I'm still a bit Tourette-like when I suddenly think of something embarrassing (start fidgetting or muttering- but I can control it in public, so it's not actually Tourette's). I think I could well have been your dd.

thanks both

jessia, do you think she would have these kind of reactions because of traumatic events when she was a baby?

ex-dh was a drug addict and sadly she did witness violent scenes between us when very little (eg him asking me repeatedly for money whilst I was lying on bed bfing her, him shouting etc )

because of this and because of her shy/sensitive nature I am very patient and understanding with her and try my best to provide a lot of security for her as I expect she has buried feelings from this earlier horrible period (we split up when she was about 1.5 I think.

sorry Jessia, also should have said - how awful for you and dd, glad things are slowly getting better, great that you are dealing with it so calmly.

hmm, whyso... - no idea, I'm no child psychologist and luckily I have the most boring (in a positive sense), un-stress-provoking DH/daddy in the world. Don't you think, though, that if it were that she would have been demonstrating reactions like these for longer?
Maybe Cory is onto something with the embarrassed/shyness thing. My DD1 is like that too.
I don't live in the UK so have no idea how hard it would be for you to see a (child) psychologist but if you feel this needs addressing and you don't know where to begin, why not gofor a chat. I went on my own without DD1 so as not to stress her out more. The ideas she gave me were:
1)asking child to draw the fear she is feeling and then tearing it up into little pieces and stamping on it/throwing it in the bin to show how she is stronger than it.
2)getting her a "guardian teddy" or similar and telling her that whenever she is scared to talk to it and tell it what's wrong and it will take care of her/help her feel better. We agreed on a "talisman" for mine (round her neck, to hold if she felt scared) as she is into necklaces etc but I think I buggered it up as she asked me just exactly how this "feel-good effect" would come about (she's a bit of a scientist, has DH's engineer brain ) and I couldn't really explain (me arty-farty type) and she rejected it.
3) making up stories where a hero(-ine), one totally unlike her, so she doesn't cotton on, has traumatic events similar to the ones she has experienced/is experiencing, and you provide or together work out a suitable coping strategy. Or say a friend has rung you that their son/daughter has had a similar kind of problem and how do you think s/he should react? I rejected this method as never having much gift of the gab (see above) but if you're a natural born storyteller this might be worth it.

Like I said, though, all these proved rather useless and it's only been time that's helped. But I at least knew what it was causing this - you don't, if I understood you rightly.
Having said that, put me within a mile of a hoodie now and I'm jelly to this day, so I really know where she's coming from.
Hope you get this sorted, sorry haven't been much help