Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

ok, so for those of you tearing your hair out with kids whos behaviour is "difficult", how do you deal with every one else?

21 replies

deanychip · 18/05/2008 20:33

You know friends, family and aquantances who come into contact with your "difficult" child and who give you "the look".

you know that one......

mine is nearly 5 and is hard work.
after years of comments, snide remarks and that "look" i am about pissed off with it and my kind nature has taken too many dents.
im finding it increasingly difficult to not fight from the corner of defence.

you?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

lizandlulu · 18/05/2008 20:47

my dd is very difficult. i find myself comparing her to other kids and wishing she was more like them (quiet, still that kind of thing) but she never will be so i just have to make the best of it. she is either lovely or absoloutly horrible and 40% of the time she is very wearing.
my mum and dad are so used to her they dont say anything, only try to discipline her.

the most looks we get are from strangers in shops or restaurants when she is treaing around the place. i just ignore them and hold my head up. if they had to cope with what i did then i would like to see them do a better job.
dh usually says something like 'do you want a picture or something?'
i hate this and feel awful as sometimes people just look to see what the noise is.

i do myself, if i hear a child when i am out, i usually want to say something to them other like 'oh you have one like mine too' but never do say anything and end up just looking over, and most likely making the mother feel worse, which is the opposite of what i wanted.

lizandlulu · 18/05/2008 20:48

ment to say tearing around the place

Original poster

deanychip · 18/05/2008 20:53

liz, that is EXACTLY how i feel when i hear or see other people with los like mine....but like you i never ever say anything for fear of making them feel bad in some way.

when you say that your dd is "difficult" what do you mean?

OP posts:

lizandlulu · 18/05/2008 21:26

she is very strong willed, she is 2.6 and knows her onw mind and what she wants to do.
she will not sit still for 5 minutes, not go in her pushchair but wont walk either. just genrally hard work. not placcid like other kids. she wont be bribed or cajoled into doing something she doesnt want to do.

my mil says i wouldnt want a child with no carachter, but i wouldnt mind, just for a few days

cathygoodway · 18/05/2008 21:38

I have had the day from hell today. I too have a 2.8 who is so strong willed its unbeleivable. Ended up in tears tonight.I also have an 11 week old baby girl and i know this is part of the problem although she was badly behaved before the baby arrived. She just will not do as she is told when we are out especially, and she ends up screaming the place down and leaving me very red faced. ive got to the point where i do not want to take her anywhere without my husband. Im starting to feel like a prisoner in my own home during the week.

lizandlulu · 19/05/2008 11:49

i am at work at the moment, but will psot when i get a bit of time didnt want you to think i am ignoring you

lizandlulu · 19/05/2008 12:26

my dh wants another baby, but i will not. not untill dd is a bit better. i know i would not be able to cope with 2, especially if another turned out like her.
i have sparined my ankle and am dreading the rest of the week as i know if i go anywhere she will run off. she wont go in pusuchair, or wear reins. but i need to buy food so will have to try to keep her in the trolly

Yummymum1 · 19/05/2008 13:24

I can sympathise very greatly.Ds1 was/is like that,very strong willed with no regard for anyone else.I suffered all the looks from strangers and even some "friends"who assumed it was my parenting skills.Last yr ds1 was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome which certainly helps me a lot knowing it isnt me and i can do a lot to help him.However it doesnt stop him behaving as he does when out in public which at times is appaling!!!Have you tried bribes at all?Or stickers that she likes for good behaviour. I think at the end of the day it doesnt matter what everyone else thinks and as the head of a special needs school said the other day "Show me a child who has never had a tantrum or behaved badly at the shops.There isnt one!!!"

blueshoes · 19/05/2008 13:55

deanychip, if my dcs act up in public, I don't look at other people's faces. I deal with it as best I can and see fit. If anyone made a comment (nobody ever did), I would bite their heads off in a lowkey sarky way with a smile.

Madamejaffa · 19/05/2008 14:08

You mean I am not alone?

DD is 2.9 and generally horrible but is extra "special" at the moment.

I agree, character great!! Calm and gentle for just a few days........; yes please.

LucyLamb · 19/05/2008 14:12

lizandlulu - mine was and is just the same as yours - she is 7.5 now and I still cannot contemplate having another - and time is really running out for me !!

Much sympathy - but don't leave it too long if you do want another ! She'll be in nursery soon won't she ? That would give you a break !!

duchesse · 19/05/2008 14:25

I used to sit back smugly knowing that difficult children turn into interesting adults, whilst they were rearing little future cogs in the system.

Kept me going anyway. I just let the rest slide off my back.

blueshoes · 19/05/2008 14:50

Exactly, duchesse. I am raising movers and shakers. OF COURSE they will by definition push the limits.

lizandlulu · 19/05/2008 20:14

but while we are raising movers and shakers wouldnt a little bit of peace be nice? like going to a nice place for lunch without having dd run around the place rolling across the chairs? or stopping to look at something in a shop without having her run off into the dressing rooms opening all the curtains?

2point4kids · 19/05/2008 20:23

Oh god, my ds is EXACTLY like you describe your dd liz.
The thing that gets me is the days where he is difficult as usual, but i am coping with him ok and I feel that I am doing my best and that my best is actually pretty good then someone says to 'my god, how do you cope with him?' and i feel shit again.
My dr said that to me last week.
'is he always like this? my god, how do you cope?'
I nearly cried.

lizandlulu · 19/05/2008 20:45

sometimes i feel proud that i can cope with her, there is no other choice. it depends on my mood, sometimes i just want to sit in a dark room and close my eyes, she can be so sweet when she is at home doing exactly as she pleases. it its when she has to comform that she is the worst.
my mum had a hysterectomy on saturday and we went to the hospital to see her, well lulu just wanted to pull all the cords, which she did twice and had nurses running, play peek a boo behind the door, go and fetch everyone in the hospital cups of water, asking every 2 seconds 'more?'
i think mum was glad to see us go!

Madamejaffa · 19/05/2008 20:56

Liz, you have my sympathy, I feel like everything is a battle....

I'm sometimes scared to take her anywhere. On our own we can have a lovely time, with my undivided attention dd1 2.9 can be quite sweet. I also have a 5yr old ds and a 12mth dd2. She absolutly has "middle child" ishoooes already, short of ignoring the other two totaly I can't always be at her beck and call.

She knows exactly what she wants and wants it there and then that second. Tears, screaming, smacking, or finding something attention seeking and naughty to do follow if she does not achieve her goal. She will go to any lengths to get it.

I try so hard not to give in and to ignore her when she is like this. At home it is possible but when you are out, in a restaurant, a shop or at other peoples houses how do you ignore the behaviour with out people thinking you are not dealing with an un ruly brat child.

2point4kids · 19/05/2008 21:00

Ds is 2.6 as well.
Everything you say makes me think DS is exactly like that too. Think they must be long lost soul mates lol

It helps me sometimes to look at my friends and my brothers kids who are meek, obedient, 'good' children and remind myself that DS has HEAPS more confidence, character, sense of adventure, spirit etc. Makes me realise that although he is HARD WORK , he also has a fantastic personality and that he is going to be a very cool man when he grows up

Madamejaffa · 19/05/2008 21:14

My Dad strongly believes that there are leaders or followers in this world.......

Children like ours are leaders apparently.

So far I'm finding it hard to see past the will you just do as you are told frickin once today challenging behaviour bit.

lizandlulu · 19/05/2008 21:37

to give my dd a bit of credit, i have sprained my ankle, but stil lhave had to go to work, then pick her up from nursey at 3. we had to go straight to the supermarket and went to aldi as it is fairly small with long straight aisles so she couldnt run out or sight and me not be able to run after her. she stayed by my side the whole time, not running off once. i couldnt believe it! i thought after all i had said on here, she as usual does exactly the opposite of what i expect.
i did give her loads of chocolate, but at least she did as she was told

Madamejaffa · 19/05/2008 21:50

Ahhhhhhhh thats the secret then.... chocolate. Well done lulu for being good when Mummy needed you to be, could you come and teach Maddie your new trick please?

Flip