An autistic child….?

[Itsallaboutme2021]

I’d love to get some understanding of how things work with young autistic children.

Do parents with Autistic kids try and discipline them? If this impossible?

Im only asking because today a child smacked my DD and the mum said ahh his autistic… this is fine and I told my DD that there are some children that have special brains and they think a bit differently maybe to her and that they don’t mean it. she’s 3 so until she can understand this is how I want to help her understand.

Im not writing to ask how to explain this to my DD! I’m just asking if hitting and so on is something you should try and discourage.

I do discipline my DS if he was to hit another child.
Whilst I know they don't always mean it and it can be a quick reaction for them, he is always told.

Of course. My daughter is autistic with adhd and responds best to very firm boundaries (always delivered with love). She had consequences for hitting when younger and now no longer hits. She knows we understand her difficulties and will always adjust things for her, but we wont accept autism as an excuse for violence.

It is our job as parents to teach them right from wrong regardless of any disabilities. Hitting others is not acceptable and there needs to be consequences. My son used to get physical (ADHD and ASD) when he was younger all the time! With help from his teachers and therapists has managed overcome it. All about recognising triggers and understanding emotions. Was the child not pulled up for it?

At 3yo some children will hit. If they are not disciplined in some way then they won't learn they shouldn't, and that includes children with ASD as well as any other.

However there may be times when a parent recognises that the hitting was due to something that wasn't really their fault. For example, they were overwhelmed and Mum got distracted at a bad moment. In which case I'd expect them to remove their child, but not necessarily punish.

I had a situation a few years ago where an 8yo in my charge (not mine!) lashed out. Turned out he'd told the group he needed space, asked them to leave him several times, but they continued crowding him and talking.
In that point, I didn't punish him; I found him a place where he could sit on his own. He didn't need punishing; he knew he was wrong, but he couldn't cope at that moment. I also spoke to the rest of the group and told them if someone asks them to leave them alone, they should do it.
It didn't happen again.

If they're just saying "he can't help it because of autism" then that's not ideal, however you don't know what may be going on behind the scenes.

Unfortunately not, I know this has happened a few times and so this is why I wanted to know a little more detail. Thank you.

Very interesting. In this case my DD was waiting patiently for him to go down a slide, and he lashed out behind him.

It could be that he felt your dd was crowding him. She would not be doing it on purpose, but children often go very close on things like slides. The other child may not possess the language skills to ask her to move back.

That doesn't mean that they were right to hit, but that may have been understandable from the mum's pov and she may be working on him using words not hands.