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5 year old possible ASD and moving abroad

2 replies

Anothernub · 03/05/2025 10:54

I say possible in the title as DS has not been formerly diagnosed, so far we have been able to manage his feelings / thoughts and behaviours as a family and his teachers never saw it as problem in the classroom. He is 5 for reference.

Anyway we have recently moved to the states for my job and wow the deregulation is off the scale. I expected this massive change to effect him but it’s come out in such aggression, it’s becoming unbearable to be around and I’m just really lost in what to do :(
I am with him and his little sister all day at the moment but we’re doing so many fun activities, swimming, walking, trips out etc then some chilled days doing crafts / films etc. I do think he is missing the mental stimulation that school and his friends bring.
He has always been on the more aggressive side when it comes to showing his feelings but this is a whole new level, any time we ask him to simply do something or say no he immediately breaks down, says he’s going to hit us or hit his little sister, when he is simply going to bed it will end with him hitting shouting saying he hates us, spitting etc it’s just awful & so sad to see how angry he is.
there is a lot of casually going up to his sister in the day & pushing her over or smacking her, pulling toys off her.
I have tried so many things to help, I’m calm, I speak to him about how he’s feeling, how I understand it’s a huge change, that we love him, I spend time away just me and him doing nice things but it’s just met with upset & anger when the slightest thing doesn’t go to plan.
I am trying so hard to be patient & understanding as I know change is a huge trigger for anyone who has autism but this is really starting to get to me and my husband we’re both at a bit of a loss and overall just feel really sad for our little boy who’s clearly struggling so much.
Any advice on ways in which we can help or deal with this behaviour before seeking some professional advice.

thanks so much x

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 03/05/2025 11:50

All of this sounds so incredibly difficult for all of you.

Firstly I would try and give DD a safe space so that it’s not as easy for him to get to her and hurt her. Depending on how old she is you could use a playpen or section of part of the room.

I know that he’s not at School but is Kindy an option? At least there he would be getting some time with his peers abd get to try doing different things.

And I would stop doing all of the exciting and lovely things. If he is does have ASD he probably won’t find these activities enjoyable or beneficial.

Talking to him is fine but it sounds as though he’s not able to translate that into his behaviour when he’s feeling upset.

You might need to try some of the tactics in The Explosive Child in addition to what you’ve been doing now.

Do you do any games or read any books about emotional regulation or anger?

You could maybe try The Feelings Book?

BunnyRuddington · 03/05/2025 20:31

And I would try also asking in the SN Children for some more advice Flowers

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