20m old dd hitting other toddlers in fights over toys advice please!

[peacelily]

Dd has hit 2 other toddlers in the last 2 days. once a friends little boy so she was ok about it and once in the church creche this am

On both occassions the toy she was holding was snatched from her by the other child and on one occassion other childs Mum did not remonstrate said child for snatching

However obviously it's not something we can just ignore in the hope it goes away so advice from more experienecd mammas would be v welcome. I've told her it's wrong and removed her from the situation both times but how do other parents deal with this, raised voice? Time out?

Any suggestions gratefully received.

Sounds like you're doing all the right things. Honestly it's normal! I think removing her is best. They do understand a lot at 20 months. We use "the step" a little with our 20 month old and she really does get it. Tonight I asked her to put her crocs in the line and she said no in a very teenage way, I asked her again and she threw them at me! So I put her on the step for about 20 seconds, she sobbed, I went back to her and asked her again and she put them away no bother - thankfully as I'm not sure what I was going to do next! Anyway, the point is it worked and she clearly understood.

Did the step for a minute tonight when she hit me as I wouldn't let her pull my glasses off (!) unreasonable Mummy that I am. So she started belting me I put her on the step she came off it and dh put her back and she started wailing. Then off after a minute then asking for a cuddle. No repeat of trying to pull glasses off!

It's just when she does it when other parents are there. I hate their judgey cold stares as if she's evil or something. I thought all toddlers did stuff like this at some stage but from their responses I feel like they're scapegoating her as the bad one.

Thanks for your quick reply

Nah, ignore other parents, you're doing great. Stay calm and don't let them hassle you.

Not all toddlers do this kind of stuff, my firstborn was pretty angelic, but his adorable wee sister's making up for it! So if your friends do have angelic toddlers, the same might happen to them next time round!

And don't worry about church creche...if my experience of church creche is anything to go by the helpers will have seen it all before (and worse) for sure!

She's lovely but "sparky" to say the least, a bit of a madam at times. I just don't want her behaviour to get her excluded from nvites to places/friendships with other kids. Would break my heart if I felt she was being deliberately left out because she'd been labelled as "difficult".

With the little boy in church creche after I'd had words she went to give him a cuddle and then passed him all the bits of his railway line he was playing with to make up for it. She does try her little best it's just she gets so frustrated so quickly.

she sounds adorable! try not to worry, i'm sure this is a phase that'll pass, and you're doing all the right things.

My DS 20 months has started doing this, he goes up to other kids, sometimes unprovoked and makes a batting motion which sometimes leads to hitting. I say No firmly, but it's having little effect, so will be following the thread eagerly! He never did this before! hope it's just a stage..

Well I think she's pretty fabulous Tass! .

It's just she's a feisty lady with a feisty Mummy too, (although obviously I don't hit my work colleagues when things don't go my way!). Thanks very much for your support, much appreciated.

DS1 was like this - and so were most of his friends at that age - it's a total phase. And being consistent and showing her that she's not allowed to hit is exactly the right thing to do. Set your limits. When she's 3 or 4 she'll start to push them again (as I'm finding now with a 3 1/2 year old who has started hitting again) but he stopped after a while.

Don't worry about other mums. Often they aren't really looking at you in a judging way - they're sympathising. I always feel self conscious though. I figure if they are staring either their kid hasn't got to this point yet (and probably will) or they know exactly how I feel and are sending sympathy!

DS2 is now 16 months and I'm gearing up for another round of "we don't hit our friends" and timeout....

Thankyou for your post Sallyre, so was time out effective for you then?

I've not used it up until now as I've always felt it should be saved for behaviour that's totally unacceptable ie aggression and not for more minor misdemeanours otherwise it could become trivilised through overuse.

I think you are doing just fine.

It got more effective the older he got. But I did do it when he was your daughter's age. And he now goes to time out and stays on time out until got up because it's so familiar to him. Even if you can't keep her on there for the right amount of time I believe removing the child from the situation and always having a consequence for bad behaviour can be learnt at that age.

I warn him first unless he's been really violent to his brother or me or DH - hitting always goes straight on time out and he knows that.

I think you're doing everything right. And it's SO hard to do but ignore any stares you get - just do what you think is best for DD.

I always make DS apologise to the child he's hit after he's been on time out - also makes the other kid's parent happy too...