12 month old baby please someone HELP or just make me feel better!

[gegs73]

12mo DS2 cries most of the time and has done since he was about 9 months old. He has awful seperation anxiety if I move more than 1 foot away from him or sometimes even if people look at him. The HV told me to leave him to cry if I need to do something, make sure he is OK then leave him to it and it should get better. I have tried this and it has made no difference at all the crying continues. I have resigned myself to carrying him around constantly (no mean feat as he is over 25lbs) however he still often cries when I does this.

He does not move(crawl or bum shuffle) which I think is probably frustrating him? I really don't think its teeth as he has 5 already and got these around 6/7 months and each time was distressed for a couple of days then they were through.

Has anyone else had this and done anything which made them better? All other babies this age I know seem to be crawling and generally happy little things. Its really getting me down and I feel sad that I don't have as much quality time to spend with DS1 as DS2 takes so much of my time and energy.

Separation anxiety peaks at around 9-12 months so hopefully you should see things get better soon.

Sometimes babies don't crawl because they don't need to - if he is constantly on you or right next to you, and if you make sure his toys are all within arm's reach, he has no need to try and crawl! Some babies are naturally less inquisitive than others as well.

Try putting him on the floor with some intersting new things just out of his reach (doesn't have to be toys, can be pots and spoons from the kitchen, some leaves, a slithery soft chain, anything that might make him want to go and check it out). Be close but don't pass things to him. Praise him if he tries to get them.

I would also try and leave him more as your HV said, when you know he is safe. My DD3 wouldn't even let me go to the loo alone at that age, she would crawl in with me! (Still doesn't now actually...!). Try moving apart from him a few feet and sing or chat to him so he knows you haven't left him.

It will get better, bear with it!

Oh I really do feel for you. It must be very hard. My ds (9 months) is very similar and has been since birth! If someone just looks at him (God forbid tries to pick him up!) he will cry. It's very hard to explain to family who seem to think I've made him this way by not letting them hold him often. What they don't realise, no matter how much I try and explain is that he has always been like it and that's why I don't let them see much of him as it overwhelms him.

I think for my ds who also is not mobile yet, a lot of it is frustration but separation anxiety is definitle the cause of his even more clingy and grumpy behaviour recently.

Was your ds happy before he was 9 months? Have you definitely ruled out an ear infection or water infection? Is his appitite OK? I'm sure you have already looked into all this but I am in the same boat so have no idea what to suggest!

Hope it gets better soon. I know how hard I find it and I only have one child, I'm sending you buckets full of sympathy! It will get better.

Oh and my ds is 25lbs too so I know how your poor back feels!

Hi Sidge and Meandmyjoe, thanks for your suggestions.

This afternoon I have tried leaving him to cry more and also putting things out of his reach to try and get him to crawl including me. He did manage to move forward slightly when I tempted him with a row of Cheerios DS1 eats for breakfast, so I'm taking this as a good sign.

Meandmyjoe - he was absolutely fine before 9 months a textbook baby. Would go to anyone was happy, would sit happily by himself etc, I couldn't have asked for more. It just seemed that something kicked in at 8/9 months and that was it. My MIL had him a couple of times a week for an hour while I went to the gym from about 5 months and he was fine. All of a sudden he started crying hysterically the whole time and still does it!

I've taken him to the doctors a couple of times and he doesn't have any infections or anything obviously wrong and he is a good eater. I just hope it passes soon and your DS gets better too Meandmyjoe! It really is so hard when they are like this.

You have to look on the bright side that if he was a happy little chap before then when he gets over whatever is bothering him, he will return to the way he was. I worry that as my ds was a grump from the day he was born then he will always be a miserable so and so!

It's tough when they cry for no apparent reason, especially just when someone gets too close or looks at them!!!??

Is he crying even when you are sitting and cuddling him? Just wondering whether it is frustration as my ds won't let me sit for long with him. Have to stand and show him things, he ois desperate to be mobile and independant I think.

It's a good sign that he moved towards the cheerios! It might be that he is frustrated and wants to move and when he has a bit of independance then he won't rely on you so much so will be less clingy.

Let us know how you get on. x

My DD started not sleeping and crying at 8 months after being a so calm and collected. I put it down to separation anxiety, then after a month, tooth after tooth started appearing. It could well be that the niggling pain of those little blighters is causing this. I know I'd want a cuddle if big teeth were moving down and cutting through my gums! Don't give up - it will change. DD now 1 and although still tooth after tooth coming, she's very happy playing on her own and I can leave her at playgroup. She still has her moments -she's developed a real fear of the swimming pool and clings onto me for dear life, but I'm just staying calm and doing it in her own time.

Hi yes Meandmyjoe! I am very lucky that he was a good baby before this, hopefully he will go back to it. FWIW DS1 was a miserable baby but was a lovely toddler and generally nice 3yo so there is hope brightongirl, maybe it is teeth moving too and glad to hear you can leave your DD a little now without too much fuss. I was begining to think DS2 would be sat next to me for ever!

However, yesterday he was alot better and today so far he has been too. I have been leaving him if he's crying for no apparent reason, he does it for a few minutes then is fine and stops. Then I've been giving him lots of attention for not crying which he likes and will hopefully work. I've also moved myself away from him which I think is encouraging him to move, though VERY SLOWLY towards me. I feel alot more positive today and am hoping he has turned a corner. Sunday was so awful.

My ds is almost 10mo and recently has become less grumpy and frustrated as he is more able to do the things he wants. You'll probably find he'll be much happier when he becomes more mobile. Separation anxiety has recently kicked in however and he clings to me around other people i just find if i sit and play with him for a bit while they're in the room he relaxes with them being there after a while. And will eventually let them hold him. Don't forget to say bye bye etc when you leave the room, and play peekaboo lots.