Teacher suggested SENCO support - feeling emotional

[Pinkballoons55]

At my 6yo DS parents evening last week, the teacher said she wanted to get SENCO involved and im feeling super emotional and hoping for some advice..

For some background: We've had our suspicions that this could be coming, he is such a loving little boy but he is so incredibly challenging. It seems like his behaviour at school, once deemed by the teacher as "normal" has got progressively worse. He's very disruptive in the class, wanting to make people laugh so acts up, shouts out etc. He gets very defensive and emotional when questioned on anything or if something doesn't go his way. He can't sit still. He doesn't deal with change well.
At home this is the same, he is so sensitive - I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him. When he has full undivided attention and he isn't hungry or tired... he can be absolutely amazing to be around. But those moments are rare, he barely eats anything so is probably always hungry. He has a 2yo sister so attention from me and DH is divided. He's so unpredictable with what he gets upset over and how he will react to that feeling, but it's generally throwing things, hitting, trying to break toys etc. It's exhausting.

I went in to parents evening kind of expecting this, but now that it's a reality it's just really made me feel so emotional - I'm not sure what I should do next. Do we speak to a GP??

The teacher has said the senco person will come in the class and observe and then we'll work with her to make a plan for how best to support him. Teacher isn't worried about him academically- his ability is there he just can't focus enough and so his work is very inconsistent depending on what kind of day he's having.

I'm glad that he's going to be getting the support he needs at school but I just can't help wonder if I could've done anything differently/better - or what I should be doing myself at home.

Im not sure what my question is but if anyone has been in a similar situation and has any words of wisdom I'd appreciate it.

Can you speak to his Teacher again today and ask if the SENCO will make a referral to the Paediatrician or if you’re best going to the GP?

You can also speak to the School Nurse service for advice.

Our experience was though that the HV and School were hopeless as our DC behaved in class. We went to the GP who made the necessary referrals.

I would do this simple SaLT progress checker. It will tell you if he needs some support. If it does you’ll need a referral for a hearing test and for SaLT.

It sounds as though he might benefit from an OT referral too.

Are the school doing anything like Zones of regulation with him?

Have they suggested applying for an ECHP? If not you can apply for one yourself, it’s based on needs rather than diagnosis so there’s no need to wait. If you head on over to the SN Children section the lovely MNers in there can give you advice on how to apply and what it should include.

Have a look at regulating activities for DC with ADHD too. I’m not saying he has this, obviously nobody can on an internet forum, it just sounds as though he might benefit from things like running or going to the park before school starts for the day.

I’d read up on ASD, ADHD and ARFiD too. I think that there an ARFID Support thread running in the eating disorders section, although it might be a bit slow.

And you might want to read The Explosive Child to help with behaviour at home. You’re probably finding out the hard way that regular discipline techniques simply don’t work if your DC happen to be ND

It's really hard when your wondering becomes real. I felt very similarly when we turned the corner of oh everything's fine into can we have a word.

School sound really sensible, the Senco observing is the perfect next step. I wouldn't go to the GP at this stage as you haven't got much to report other than school are starting to think about additional support. Any onward referrals would want to see evidence that school have explored what's going on and put some initial supports in place.

My sons 8 now, he's recently had an ADHD diagnosis- we're processing it all as a family but it actually feels quite comfortable. The most emotional stage was the point you are at in my experience.

Please reach out to me in direct message if you'd like to message more - I also have a 3 year old so I know the challenges of trying to split yourself in half.

Take a breath.. stay strong..

How are you both getting on now @Pinkballoons55?

Thanks for the kind words @BunnyRuddington @Nelly44

It's been an up and down few months to be honest. The School has said they've observed but they're not going to get any additional support for him at this stage as there's a chance it could be developmental and they're not too worried about his learning. Part of me wonders if it's because we're near the end of the school year.. but maybe I'm being too harsh. It's probably a good thing. Theyve said they will keep an eye on him and offer additional support themselves rather than senco. They've sent me some links and advice.

I've been researching stuff online but haven't yet reached out through any external processes yet. Ive ordered the explosive child book though am struggling to find time to read it, such is the juggle of mum life!!

I was thinking about calling the healthy families team for some advice on the latest issue I'm having. He's said a few times that he doesn't want to be alive anymore, he wants to be a different person etc. He's not upset or angry when he says it, he's really calm so it's quite unsettling. I'm not sure how best to manage it, I don't want to brush it under the carpet thinking oh he doesn't know what he's saying, and equally I don't want to make loads of fuss and freak him out. I've asked him why he thinks that but he doesn't seem to have an answer - he has said he hasn't heard anyone else saying it (I wondered if it was a case of copying) he did mention there is an older girl at school who is mean to him and calls him names, but that's all I've managed to get. I've just told him how loved he is and how important he is, emphasising how the opinions of bullies mean nothing etc. Ive also explained that when someone dies they're gone - they dont get to choose to become another person, and he was really surprised by this! I was thinking of mentioning it to the school as well.

Don't suppose anyone has any advice on that?! Or shared experiences? It's really thrown me!

How are you getting on with DS?

Have only just seen your last update @Pinkballoons55, have you managed to find any support for him yet?