Is my baby just difficult or should I be concerned?

[Jb88]

Sorry this is a long one -

I don’t know if we’ve just got a really strong minded wee boy or if there’s maybe something we should be concerned about.
He is 12 months old and he has such a temper - every time I try and change his clothes or nappy he throws himself back so I can barely lie him down then he constantly tries to roll away and is furious the whole time - I try giving him things to distract him or sing wheels on the bus which sometimes works but not as much now.
Meal times are also hard going as he’s very particular on what he’ll eat so therefore we tend not to steer away from those foods even though I worked so hard when we started weaning to give him a variety of things. He struggles with a lot of textures.

Sleep - what’s that?! He naps very well and doesn’t fight his sleep but he’s still up multiple times a night. We’ve just been abroad and he kept waking up hysterical around 3/4am each morning. We also struggled to sit through a meal without him screeching or screaming and we ended up putting YouTube on our phones because everyone kept staring, we were so sad as we don’t want that to be all we can do to keep him calm.

Development wise - he can crawl, babbles away - he can say very few words, mainly dada and he almost says our dogs name. He says “nom nom nom” when he’s eating and will say mum but very VERY rarely!
He pulls himself up on furniture but not quite ready for walking yet.

He’s the smiliest wee boy and melts everyone’s heart and he’s very sociable but there’s just something niggling me as when he loses his temper it’s so hard to get him calm but once you find something to distract him it’s like nothing even happened and he’s happy again while myself and my husband are so so stressed due to the meltdown.

That is totally normal and called willpower. Everything is fine as long as both of you are aligned, but the second you want him to do something he has no intention of doing, he disapproves and his way of telling him is behaviour.
He is learning to be displeased. We all learn. We don't go nuclear when someone cuts us off in traffic. He has no control of his emotions, and they overwhelm him a bit.
Distraction as you found out is great until he matures emotionally. Nappy changes is difficult for many parents. Kids will fight. You keep calm, make funny voices or animal sounds, silly tickles.
Food is a funny one. If you cave in and give him an alternative, you are shooting yourself in the foot. Often the " struggles with textures" is actually " he discovered junk food and loves it". Said junk food might well be melty puffs or other baby junk.
Screens to entertain is another thing you are already regretting and teaching needs to be done at home. This is where he learns to sot at the table during meals, that coming off is not an option but a book is. If at home, he is allowed to run around at meals time, eat in front of tv, or on and off the table, there is no way he can sit in a cafe.

Tantrums are normal and needed developmental phase. You can't avoid it, but you can change how you feel about those. It is not personal, it is not a concern , it is him discovering he has an identity and a will that are different from yours.

I totally agree with Cormoran.

My DC1 was very similar and I found 12 months quite hard. They haven’t the language to express how they feel but do have the understanding and with that can come a lot of frustration.

If sleep is an issue is he having milk at night? I found that once this was stopped they slept much better, although I know it doesn’t work for everyone.

The No Cry Sleep Solution should help you with his sleep, especially the early mornings and if he’s still having milk you could try some gentle night weaning.

The night weaning article is aimed at BFing Mums but is easily adaptable if you don’t BF

If he’s fussy over food, what happens now if he refuses a particular food? And is he hungry for meals so no snacks or bottles before he eats? This guide from the Caroline Walker Trust has suggested menus and portion sizes and may be something to try and work towards.

If you do have a niggly feeling that there may be more, has he had his 12 months check yet? How
did it go? Did the HV ask you to fill in both the 12 month Ages & Stages and the 12 month Social & Emotional Ages & Stages and if so, how did he score?

Thank you for your replies - they’ve helped put my mind at rest! I think I was just overwhelmed while on holiday as his behaviour was worse than ever, but I need to remember it was a new place and routine etc for him!

he’s still to have his 12 month review, we’re so short on HV’s I don’t even know when he’ll get it! Hopefully soon so they can answer my questions!

You can still go through the questionnaires @BunnyRuddington linked to and score them yourself if you want to get an overview of his development. Don't worry if he has one or two areas in the grey on the first one – that's very common (and is the way the questionnaires are designed to be).

With food, what does he like and what does he struggle with?

What's his rough schedule at home? If he naps 'very well', could he possibly be having too much sleep in the day, so that messes up his nighttime sleep?

Action songs helped us at nappy changes – lots of clapping at this age! 'If you're happy and you know it' can be modified to include whatever gestures he knows, clapping, waving, etc., and 'wind the bobbin up' starting coming into its own as well.

In total throughout the day he’ll sleep around 1.5-2hrs in total, his morning nap usually being the shorter one!

food wise he used to have such a good variation but then he just started refusing things and not even willing to try a lot of stuff which that led to me finding it quite difficult to spend so much time prepping stuff for it all to go in the bin, I’d make a batch and try him 2-3 times before giving up! His favourite things are avocado, yoghurt with mashed raspberries, toast/toastie, baby puff crisps, pasta & homemade soups! He’s recently tried grapes again and liked them but occasionally protests. He tried little bits of steak and liked it then we tried the week after and he spat it out 😩

he doesn’t do a lot of gestures even though I’m constantly waving and clapping he just stares at me like I’m insane! He’ll do things like kick his legs in the bath/pool when we say “kick kick kick” and he’ll tap his high chair table when we say “tap tap tap” so he does copy some things but waving and clapping just aren’t happening for some reason!

@Jb88can I ask how much food he’s having in 24 hours?

@BunnyRuddington So a good day for him is -

breakfast - 6oz bottle of milk and yoghurt with mashed raspberries

lunch - cheese toastie, yoghurt or pudding pouch, some orange and maybe some baby crispies

snack - toast/avocado

dinner - Ella’s kitchen pouch or pasta jar. Pudding pouch.

he will also have another 6oz bottle with either lunch or dinner, all depends when he wakes from his naps throughout the day.

we then offer a 5 or 6oz bottle before bed but he usually only takes 3-4oz.

he doesn’t wake up for food during the night anymore but he just unsettles easily and we have to go and give his dummy, he can put it in himself throughout the day but for not during the night 🙄 we want to try and leave him to resettle but worry he’ll fully wake if we don’t get through quick enough.

If you’re worried about him eating it does sound as though he’s having too much milk. The recommended amount at this age is 10 Floz and he’s having 15-16 Floz which might explain why he’s reluctant to est sometimes.

Could you cut out the first bottle and go straight to breakfast but offer some a bit more substantial than yoghurt and berries?

The Caroline Walker Trust have produced this guide which has sample menus and suggested portion sizes.

There are also some suggests of foods suitable for 12 month olds from Start for Life.

It must be frustrating that the HV hasn’t done the 12 month check yet. The funding of HVs has been seriously cut over the last few years.

Did you manage to fill in the assessments tgat I linked to?