At my wits end - where do i go for help

[adelicatequestion]

DS1 aged 7 has always been a bit socially immature.

Typical things he will do is

go up to complete strangers and tell them the most irrelevant things
make silly humming noises to himself
talk constantly and you are just willing him to shut up for 5 miutes
he annoys his friends by being'in their faces' all the time

He is a gorgeous boy most of the time but goes through phases of being intensely irritating as if there is something wrong with him.

I am not explaining this very well - but he just doesn;t listen to what anyone says to him, is very egocentric and when you try to explain just says " everyone is nasty to me" " you hate me". No matter how much he doesn't get that his behaviour determines the way he is treated.

Today he came home from school upset that his one friend said he didn;t like him (I know this happens)and he said that all the other children in his class "don't know how XXXX puts up with him"

When I asked him why they said this, he said because I talk too much.

What can we do to help him. He is completely incapable of not talking, and will not accept that this is something he has control over.

He is alienating all the children in his class and I'm worried he will develop this reputation through school if we don;'t do something now to help him.

no advice I'm afraid but feel for you

I hope you don't take offence, but could it be Asperger's or the like?

My DS is on the spectrum and he has a school colleague who sounds very like yours.

I have raised this with the school, but they have said no he doesn;t show any other traits other than he is emotionally immature.

I am tempted to make an appointment with the head. He came home crying last week because someone in the line was yelling "shut up" in his ear.

Whilst i am upset by this, I know that children are not as forgiving as adults.

yes. I must admit I imediately thought of aspergers.
And I do not say hat to concern you - simply to suggest that when you are insisting to him that this is something he has control over that may not actually be correct. You may be asking him to understand social communication of which he has no concept.
How does he get on at school generally? Have the school expressed any concerns

He is doing really well at school academically. He has a supply teacher at the moment who has worked a lot with children with Aspergers and other needs and she said she doesnlt think he does, but we've never had him assessed.

Hi imagination is great, motor skills are excellent, he plays nicely at home when he has people round.

He is in a mixed class with younger children which he doesnlt like because his twin is in a straight year class.

so the going up to strangers etc - is that only with school? And the humming and not reading people ?
If it is situation specific then it is probably down to frustration/anxiety etc at school.
But if some of this is consistently displayed I would think about getting a referral just to check it out. I presume you have concerns or you wouldn't have posted.
And my DS is very severe ASD and still has imagination, a sense of humour , fantastic motor skills and is very affectionate.
Tis a very very braod spectrum.
I am not wishing him a label just think you want to find out if you are dealing with 'young' behaviour or something else.

You could ask your GP to refer you to a paedriatrician. If he goes to a mainstream school I presume his teachers are not qualified to decide whether or not he is on the spectrum.

Don't expect your son's school to recognise autism - often they don't know what to look for. If you have concerns do as cornsilk suggests, ask your GP to refer you to a paediatrician or CAMHS for an assessment. It's important that if he does have a condition, it is recognised because without the label he won't get the support. The earlier the intervention the better. And if there is no significant problem then you've lost nothing.

pagwatch

What behaviours led to his diagnosis. I thought imagination, motor skills etc were a sign.

at the time of diagnosis he had
no eye contact
no pointing
obsessive behaviours
stereotypical behaviours
no speech
furious tantrums
refusal to walk
self harming
hands clamped over his ears all the time
issues re touch/physical contact
inappropriate giggling
etc etc
he was just two
he is 11 now and much much improved. Many of those have gone.

I think the trouble is that our everyday perception of what constitutes ASD is too blunt an instrument. A child can exhibit behaviours but be totally NT.Whereas another child can tick just a few boxes but the qualatitive nature of those ticks means that their issues are firmly spectrum issues and are more defining IYSWIM.
Like eye contact. DS2 is fantastic on social interaction . He makes full intense eye contact with family and is pretty good with friends - but that still means he would tick as poor eye contact.
One of his friends at his ASD school with look you in the eye but there is no 'exchange' no connection IYSWIM.Yet, on paper, he would not have that 'symptom.
Thats why you can't do ASD by ticking symptoms. It is complicated.

Does that make any sense?

I think it makes sense. Its an area I just don't understand but must do some research to help ds.

Any leaflets or books that might help me?

Have you looked at the NAS website ( can stand them myself but think they have good reference stuff).
You might want to post this as a general question on SN - or post with Aspergers/aspie in the heading. you would then get some specific responses from people with children with aspergers.
I know Luke Jacksons books are very helpful as Luke is a teenager with aspergers himself. they are like self help books . One is called something like Geeks and Aspergers Syndrome . I will look on Amazon when I have a mo

Thanks

Maybe its time to get to the doctor and know once and for all.

If it is then we can get him help, if not maybe we can sort out the bahavioural bits.