Advice needed please!
I share two sons with my ex-husband. They are now 7 and 3, but my youngest was only 9 months old when I separated from their dad. I ended up moving back home with the boys, 250 miles away from where we used to live, so they now spend half of half terms and school holidays with their dad and half with me.
My youngest started staying with his dad when he was 2, and he has always been quite unsure and hasn't wanted to leave me. He would always cry a lot at his dad's wanting me. It's been tough. I think because me and his dad split when he was so young, he inevitably doesn't remember us being a family unit. We developed an exceptionally strong bond when he was little and he's been my little limpet ever since, I'm very close with both my boys.
However, their most recent stay, my youngest was happy to go, really pleased to see his dad and spend time with him. He would still occasionally get upset at his dad's because he wanted me, but he's done quite a 180 with going to stay with him, which I feel is a good thing - I'd much rather send him off happy then sobbing and clinging to me.
The problem for me is that my youngest seems to be a completely different child when he stays with his dad. He appears to be an angel and really, really well behaved. His dad goes on about what a well behaved and loving child he is. However, when he comes home, it's like I get all of the built up bad behaviour unleashed at me. I have struggled a fair bit in general with his behaviour since he turned 3 a couple of months ago, but it's even worse after he's had a week or so with his dad. He spits, kicks, hits, throws, shouts, screams, and acts out by doing deliberately bad things he knows he shouldn't be doing. He just rages at me and is SO badly behaved. It will go on for a number of days, maybe up to a week, before he eventually settles into his typical behaviour.
I will also add that there has always been some very clear favouritism from my ex husband towards our eldest; he actually wasn't actually very interested in our youngest at all until fairly recently. From my perspective, it now looks like the roles have somewhat reversed and my ex husband is now showering our youngest with love and attention like he used to our eldest. I don't know if this has had an impact on the behaviour from my youngest.
Can someone please help me unravel what's going on? I'd say I'm a loving but firm and consistent parent; my 7 year old is really well behaved vast majority of the time and I've brought them up in the same way. Am I doing something wrong? Has his bond with his dad suddenly become so strong that he wants to behave for him and not me?
Please help!