10 wk just not sleeping for more than 3.5 hours

[EllieKat]

Day or night. Ok, very occasionally he has gone for 4.5, and once, many weeks back, he went for 5! He starts his nighttimes early - sleeps until the next feed from 6.30ish/7 most nights, and that's his longest sleep, about 3-3.5 hours. After that, it's all downhill - he wakes every 2 hours or less. He also takes ages to bf - an hour is typical, and 30 mins to wait until he is in deep sleep before I put him down. And yes, I have tried putting him down sleepy! Doesn't work. Most of the other mothers in my NCT group are now regularly reporting sleep-throughs or periods longer than 4 hours. I know it's silly, but I feel so jealous! And also: what am I doing wrong?

So yes, I know he's only 10 weeks and tiny tiny, and that's why we're not routining him (well, I don't really want to do a harsh routine anyway), but is there anything sensible I could be doing? We don't do the bath-boob-bed thing most nights, mainly because he doesn't like being bathed, but I do take him to our darkened room for the first evening feed and it's all v low-key. Really, I would like some company in our misery/exhaustion - tell me it got better for you!

I think this is normal, and some people would love 3.5 hours of sleep in one go! I know I would have been happy with that at 10 weeks.

They do all sleep better in the end though. Mine not till they were 2 but .....

I'm afraid it's because he;s a baby and that's what they do. It is very important to remembe that people lie like troupers about their baby's sleeping habits! It is VERY unusual for a 10 week old baby to sleep through - and trying to get them to do it when they aren't ready is just hugely stressful and you end up focussing your mind on it to the exclusion of all else. It does get better, I promise - this is a very small part of your life - even if it feels like forever.

HAve you thought about taking him into your bed? Often this is the best way to the greatest sleep for the most people - which is what you're looking for!

You know what I'm going to say don't you?
10 weeks is very young!
Try not to get too bothered by what the other mums say. I know that's hard but it is easy to get down about perfectly normal baby stuff when you compare to other people's experiences.
Your baby may start to sleep longer spells just as theirs change their routine and start waking up again. Yours may crawl / walk / talk earlier etc etc etc.
I'd say you're not doing anything wrong at all.
In fact, as the mother of a 6.5 month old who does not have the best sleep patterns, I'm quite jealous sometimes of 3 hour stretches!
I know that's not what you want to hear.
On a practical note, wheh he wakes every two hours, is he hungry or gripey? Are you feeding lying down? How does he not like being bathed? Could you get in bath with him?
If you want some positive stories, my dd did sleep through at 12 or 13 weeks.

Sounds pretty normal to me aswell.I b/f on demand and i would hazard a guess that the people who's babies are sleeping through are being bottle fed?

It will get better. I think 3.5 hours isn't bad at 10 weeks, though I know that's not what you want to hear. My son is 11 months and has only just starting sleeping for what I would consider to be a decent stretch - he now goes from 7pm until around 4am most nights. Try the co-sleeping thing - it was great for us for a while, until he got too wriggly. I used to feed him around 11pm when I went to bed, then he'd wake about 2.30am when I'd bring him in. Then if he woke again he just had a drowsy feed lying next to me. I wondered whether we'd ever get him out of our bed but he made it quite clear when he didn't want to be there any more, and in fact I quite miss him now.

Don't let anyone else get to you - the way your baby sleeps (or doesn't) is absolutely no reflection of your parenting ability, though I know it can feel like that when you are surrounded by sleeping smugness. In any case, they're probably lying about it. Turns out "sleeping through" isn't always what you might expect - my friend used to claim her ds slept through when my dd was waking 3 times a night. Turns out he was too, just wasn't being fed - still needed cudding and stroking back to sleep.

I'm sure you don't want to hear this, but my dd still only sleeps in 3 hr stretches at 8.5 months! I have dealt with it by a) accepting it and binning all the baby guru books that made me paranoid I was doing something wrong; and b) co-sleeping.

I think some babies are just crap sleepers. Sorry I've got no real advice but you aren't alone..

yes, have him in bed with you and sort out feeding lying down. no worries re bad habits or any of that, you can easily deal with it as he grows.

there's always one mug who is honest about the sleeping so everyone else can exaggerate. ds fed every 2 hours for 6 months and the other mothers were aghast. but since 18m he has never been a problem at night so nernernerr to them.

Lots of sympathy to you . I also can't cope with little sleep. You must be knackered.
I would try expressing in the morning to boost supply, it worked for me. My dd1 did exactly as you describe and I lasted 6wks before changing to formula.
My dd2 is now 7wks and was having longer sleep periods but I started expressing early on to boost supply and she has one 5-6hr stretch per day.
I now do the bath, boob, bed routine which has taken her a week to get used to. Tonight is the first time she has settled off straight away without having to re do the boob then bed bit.
Are you sure that LO is hungry every time you feed. Try everything else before feeding i.e. play, changing, soothing incase of overtiredness. If nothing else calms him then feed.
I also would try a dummy incase he just enjoys sucking and doesn't really need feeding.
Check your latch is ok and that you are not dehydrated, dehydration can affect supply and poor latch might mean he isn't getting an effective feed and is feeding more often to compensate. HTH
I was never a fan of co-sleeping and used the GF method with dd1. However, I tried rooming in with dd2 and just pulling the baby into bed to feed. I realised that even I could sleep while feeding, which I didn't believe was possible. At least this way you minimise sleep deprivation. Stress and overtiredness could be affecting your let down so he feeds slowly iyswim.

PS I am not lying when I say my dd1 went 2230-7 at 8wks but she was bottle fed from 6wks. You have to make the choice of whether you ex bf or not, which is what I did. With dd1 sleep deprivation was not managable and I was miserable. With dd2 its copable.
PS when I say express, I don't mean to feed it, just to fool the body into thinking the baby has had more at a feed and stimulate more production.

He sounds normal.
I suspect your NCT friends are liars.

def try feeding lying down, so at least you only have to pop baby on the boob and go back to sleep! I mastered that with DS2 and it was so much better. I just used to pop him back in the cot when I realised he'd finished.

Also do you still change nappies etc at night? I found mine slept better with minimum fuss at night. Changing involves some light etc and tended to wake them more.

Lastly ignore everyone else with their sleeping baby! Follow your instinct and go with the flow!

hey Ellie,
I'm with you lovely - my dd is 10 weeks also - and not going for more than 3.5 hours - tiring isnt it? My mum keeps saying 'ooh she should be going longer during the night by now' and I have a friend whose baby went right through from 6 weeks.. but do you know what? They're all different and I'm sure you are doing everything right. Really easy to give yourself a hard time about everything but we're new to this and so are they! One bit of advice i was given was to cluster the last couple of feeds together before the 7pm feed - so you feed at 5pm and then again at 6.30 - 7pm, just gives them milk coma overload and then they are full for a bit longer?
Basically I'm just telling myself to enjoy her being tiny and make the most of it as much as possible...

I agree with you julesmb, my dd2 started to cluster feed like that at exactly those times by herself when we started putting her down to sleep at 730ish.

Hi Ellie, I really sympathise - my dd is 7 weeks and has exactly the same sleep story as yours - I thought night stretches were getting longer, and once she slept for 6 hours..and then, just as my baby information update emails were telling me that she should be starting to sleep better and settle naturally into a routine, she started doing exactly what you describe (and the same with the feeding. Although sometimes it is just 10 minutes...other times is an hour. Or an hour and a half. Doesn't seem to be any reason for the difference).

I do the cluster feeding, bath, feeding, quiet room thing - it did work..but now doesn't. I've been telling myself she's having a growth spurt for 2 weeks now.

I feel so much better for reading this thread - was completely depressed after reading a webpage quoted a paediatrician as saying 'most newborns sleep through the night at 6 or 7 weeks'. Hang in there, nothing lasts forever..

yes, ds was the same at that age!
I suspect your NCT friends might be glossing over the truth a little to say what they think it the right answer. At that age in order to avoid the inevitable cross questioning when people used to say "is he good?" or "does he sleep?" I just used to put my head on one side, look vacant and say "yeeeesss" to shut them up! Perhaps your friends are doing a bit of that...so don't worry it's normal.
How you organise everything around it so as not to get totally knackered however is a different thing...was a bit too long ago for me to remember

Sorry to say but this is quiet normal - when its your first (I assume it is) you think it will never end - I remember feeling is this it -DS woke 10 times a night for a very very long time, but then one day he slept through - it does end I promise!!!!!

Mothers groups as fab as they are, are opportunities to make you feel hopeless and inadequate if your baby does not perform - but in the end they all catch up and sleep - I never took this advise but sod the housework when baby actually sleeps you rest/sleep watch tv whatever you can do to actually make yourself feel better - as we forget to look after ourselves and without some rest everything seems 10 times worse that it is.

my ds is 13 weeks and this seems exactly the same, and all my mums at baby group report sleeping through etc, i think its perfectly normal, AND the more babies are awake, the more they learn

and i usually go to bed at 8 o clock for this very same reason, (i'm naughty and staying up late tonight to watch EE)

also, my friend says she used to put her newborn outside it the garden and the baby would sleep all day no problem. Of course I think she just didnt hear the baby crying. Maybe your NCT mums don't wake up everytime, and the baby just falls back to sleep

You'll probably find that these people who are telling you their babies are sleeping through almost from birth are the same ones who will tell you their children are potty trained by 6 months, reading at 3 and doing algebra at 5. Competitive parenting is just one of those things that you should be completely deaf to! Just be proud of what you've done so far. It DOES get better! And it's not a competition with a big shiny prize for the mummy with the best and most perfect child. Just go with it, nap when you can, rest when you can and sod the housework!

Thanks, everyone! I'm really touched that so many people responded. I do feel better, even though I know - and knew - there was no magic solution. I suppose my main worry was that there was something I could be doing that would make things easier, or worse, that I was 'sowing the seeds of future problems' (yeah, yeah - I try not to listen to people who use that phrase!) with whatever we were doing.

For those who suggested co-sleeping or feeding in bed: we don't co-sleep properly, we've only got a small-sized double bed, and seriously stupid bedroom configuration, so there's no better way of arranging things. I have his basket on a stand by the bed and can reach in to comfort him. I do, however, take him into the bed at least 4 times a week after he wakes about 2 - I prop him on his side with rolled blankets and feed lying down, but I find I can't get as good a latch like this, and can't see what I'm doing. He unlatches if I move when I drop off, and sometimes he relatches onto my areola, which HURTS! I'm getting better at sleeping with him in bed with me, but he isn't great at sleeping in bed with us himself, and is very disgruntled if he wakes up.

I'll try boosting my milk, but it's hard to find time to express, and I'm always worried that as soon as I've done it, he'll suddenly ask for another feed and there won't be much left! I will also make doubly sure I'm not getting dehydrated.

I only have a couple of friends whose babies sleep through reliably, the others are just reporting longer and longer periods of sleep. Most of them are exclusively bfing... shrug

I'm grateful to those who said that 3.5 hours is good - I'm sorry that your problems are even more severe! I'll just knuckle down and hope it improves in time - the 3.5 hours stretch tends to be from 6 or 7 pm, so we can't often take advantage of it to sleep ourselves! His dad isn't always even home by then!

yawn