3.5 year old and v grumpy!

[PlumPombear]

My 3.5 year old has always been quite moody and as he’s got older very moany!

I’m questioning myself a lot what is normal and when I should start worrying? Here are a few things he does about 70% of the time -

Often when asked questions he ignores or groans or says ‘get away’. Hides his face and can’t answer (he has had speech delay but he is on track apparently for his age). He often repeats sentences and the assessor thinks it could be an anxiety thing.

Never enjoyed singing/dancing, it has improved a bit since preschool but will often want me to stop if I’m doing it with his little sister.

Says he misses daddy all day, when he walks in the door he doesn’t want him and runs off.

Excited to see grandparents but freaks out when we arrive, takes ages to warm up but then doesn’t want to leave. We see them every week so they aren’t strangers.

Very self conscious, doesn’t like people looking at him (though I think okay with eye contact), gets awkward if he falls over and doesn’t laugh at himself - though not sure if 3 year old does that anyway!

He’s never that interested in games I try to play, e.g when I was doing some speech exercises he just never really got it or wanted to do it. I’m not sure if it’s behaviour or just him wanting to do what he wants to do..?! He plays by himself and other kids at school okay though.

I spoke to 2 teachers at his preschool, he seems to be friendly, not great at focusing but said it could just be his age and would describe him as serious as opposed to grumpy! He loves preschool and always happy to go in.

He has generally been later to reach milestones and can be quite clumsy often falling over thin air but is okay on his bike and scooter.

Takes ages to warm up with other children, often starts playing with them as we are about to leave.

Could he just be socially anxious and grumpy, or something more?

Not really sure what I’m asking, but has anyone been through anything similar? I feel like I walk on eggshells around him, and there is no doubt he’s worse when he’s ill or tired, or am I just a making excuses and it could be something more?

Thank you.

If you’ve been told that he’s on track with speech and language I would just double check with this quick progress checker. I’ve even had an SaLT miss something quite significant with one of my DCs. Has he had his hearing and his eyes checked too?

Then, if you are beginning to notice that he’s a little out of step with his peers, I would do these two:

42 month Ages & Stages

& the 48 month Social & Emotional Ages & Stages.

How to score the assessments should be at the bottom of the sheets. Let us know how you get on

Thank you, I will do that!

I’ve no advise to offer, but your post stood out to me as I have a 3 year old son who is also very grumpy a lot of the time and I’m also asking myself if this is normal behaviour, or something else. I get told to ‘go away’ or ‘you’re not my best friend anymore’ a fair amount at the minute! He is also quite an anxious child. Won’t use a scooter, or balance bike yet and very cautious at the park. His diet is very limited too. Also doesn’t like loud singing/music toddler groups.

His dad always dismisses my concerns and thinks it’s just age/personality, but I just don’t know!

I had this with my DH. Very frustrating. Can you talk to your HV and express your concerns?

How limited is their diet? At 3 I thought mine was just extremely fussy but now they have a diagnosis for ARFID.

He used to be less fussy and now doesn’t like a lot of what he used to eat. Foods he eats: toast, bagels, pancakes, croissants, strawberries, raspberries, apples, pears, plums, watermelon, oranges, cereal, raisins, rice cakes, crackers, carrot, peppers, cucumber, corn on the cob, plain rice, plain spaghetti, plain noodles, sausages, sometimes potatoes, peanut butter sandwiches. He will eat most sweet things with no issue I have to add! Compared to other children of his age that I know, his diet is limited, but I’m not sure it’s limited enough for ARFID? He won’t try anything I make that isn’t something from the above list. It really makes going to friend’s houses, or out for a meal quite tricky.
I did bring it up at his 2 year review, but she didn’t seem concerned. Was your HV very helpful?

I’m not an expert on ARFID at all but that does seem a lot more varied than my DD ate at that age. Have you read My Child Won’t Eat?

And no, the advice given by my Hav bordered on dangerous at times.

Thank you for the recommendation - I’ll give it a try.