Advice needed please from pre teen parents

[Lesleyann25]

Hi, My daughter is almost 12 she started her periods about 6 months ago and since then there has been a huge change. I know puberty causes changes however her melt downs have become quite big. She has always been a spirited child but on the whole mild mannered.

i have noticed one trigger is if something is changed last minute so I try to avoid that happening but sometimes it’s inevitable. Today I was sent home from work I have never had pain in my stomach like it and it was coming out of both ends. Her dad had picked her from school as he does on a Friday so I asked if he could keep her tonight as I didn’t want to drive and not be near a toilet. He doesn’t drive, however she had a melt down she wanted to come home. I said ok but give me a couple of hours for hopefully Imodium to work.

His wife called me with a major attitude saying what’s wrong with you so that your child can’t come to her home when she wants what can possible be so wrong with you. I was fuming.

i went to pick her up nipping my bum cheeks together and when I arrived my daughter was very disrespectful so I said ok you are losing your phone for 3 days for this behaviour. My daughter reacted so bad outside then his wife had a go at me we had a little argument but it was nothing major my daughter was behaving quite badly. The neighbours called the police spoke to her she told them what happened, then came to my house i told them so did my daughter that she was angry about losing her phone. They said I have very well kept home, and told my daughter that she needs to accept consequences and they need to be out looking for criminals.

i am starting to think autism I know it’s not the answer for everything but she is not tactile at all. She’s doing very well in school and has good relationships with friends. I have her out all the time I take everywhere and we have lovely times together. I have stayed single since I split from her father when she was 2 as I didn’t want to bring any disruption into her life. I show interest in the bands she likes and I genuinely love being with her but these meltdowns hurt my feelings.

I am so upset by this. Has anyone else been through this in pre teens or do I need to go for an assessment?

At almost 12 she can get the bus home though surely? Why didn't you and her Dad just tell her to do that? Or how far is it could she have walked?

I think her attitude is wrong but if she wanted to go home surely she or her Dad could have arranged that for her?

Very bizarre on neighbours calling the police though.

Also it sounds to me like your daughter is not being modelled good behaviour by her step mother if she had a go at you and ringing you with a major attitude does this woman even like your daughter? She makes her sound like an inconvenience. No wonder her hormones all all over the place.

Oh and my son also almost 12 and has same bad attitude quite often.

Thank you. Her step mother has been in her life since she was 2 and even though she came along and literally replaced me she was good to my daughter so I’ve never said a bad word about her. We have just moved house so I didn’t want her getting the bus in an area new to her and oh why didnt her dad bring her home? He never ever has ive had to sort out all the logistics for 10 years while he sit around like a lord. Her step mother today has really pushed my buttons and im still fizzing about it. Yeah my child’s attitude stinks at the moment i am not going to down play it x