Is this normal behaviour?

[Oceana]

I have one DS who will be 1 in a couple of weeks. He has always been independent and not at all clingy. He isn't affectionate at all and tries to push away if you try to hug or kiss him. I kept thinking that he would reach the seperation anxiety stage but it hasn't happened. Then I read somewhere that I should mention it to my GP if my DS doesn't show particular attachment to either me or DH. He doesn't. I really don't think he would care who looks after him. I am feeling a bit down about it. Has anyone else had experience with a child like this? Should I be worried? Could it be an indicator of a more serious issue? Or am I being a paranoid mother with my PFB?!

No. DD was like this. Happy and content but not at all wanting to be cuddled or fussed, not clingy either, able to be looked after by other people.

Now, at 22 months she loves cuddles but not for long, and she gives the biggest soppiest kisses in the world. Started about a month ago.

She has started to display some mild signs of seperation anxiety, at nursery she is more aware we are not there, and from time to time will get a little upset when she realises we are not in the next room and if one of us goes out she will get a little upset for a few minutes now. Up until recently she did not seem bothered at all. She is consolable tho.

DS will become more affectionate, he just sounds like a very independent boy!

Thanks Pavlov. Did you ever feel slightly rejected by her behaviour? I am embarrassed even writing that!

My DS(13 months) is like this. He will occasionally come for a cuddle but it lasts a few seconds before he wanders off again.

He is very happy to be left with grandparents or his godmother. He'd probably be happy with the local tramp TBH.

I'm happy he is like this instead of getting very upset if he isn't with one of us.

MY HV said that its perfectly normally and some kids are like this.

Yes, sometimes. When I left her at nursery when I went to work she would just zoom of to play with toys or something and would never seem bothered by it.

I used to worry that lack of separation anxiety meant she did not experience the emotions that she should. But as time has gone on she has become more cuddly and wanting fusses, she is still fiercly independent but will want fusses. On her terms tho, not when I want them necessarily.

She has always been happy, content and very much enjoys life so I tried not to worry too much. She is very sociable and has great skills with communicating/charming so think it is just her way.

My friend lectures in psychology and has just taught about Attatchment - she seems to think that it is positive, as long as there are no other concerns with behaviour, a happy independent child is demonstrating a positive happy, secure family environment (that is not saying that if your child is not independent or like this your family environment is not happy or secure, just some children thrive in different ways) Your DS is obviously confident enough with you and his daddy to be this way

DS1 was like this - we even have photos of him asleep on me but facing outwards IYSWIM when he was a very young baby. MIL used to get upset that he wouldn't come to her for cuddles!

However, he's 6 now and the first thing he does when he gets in from school is sit on my lap and want a big cuddle

Oh thank you so much. All this has made me feel so much better. I was starting to think there might be something wrong with them because I don't know any other babies like this. Sometimes I just feel like I am his slave carer. I would just like to know that he knows who I am

My 9mo ds is like this. He won't let me cuddle him for a second, just squirms and pushes me away. I find it very upsetting. He doesn't really let my dh cuddle him much but he will want him to pick him up the second he walks in from work and then he wants nothing to do with me. He will let my mum cuddle him for quite a while actually. I wonder if it's because i had pnd. I feel very rejected by him.

DS was mainly an undemonstrative baby and toddler .. a quick cuddle if he was in the mood

He's 7 now and has been a cuddle and snuggle and kiss monster since he was about 3 or 4 and still is

do not worry

I don't think lack of affection in the sense of hugs and kisses is anything to worry about but I wasn't sure from your post if you were worried about it being more than that. Does he show a social reaction of any kind when you or DH enter or leave the room? Anyway, he is very young so there is a lot of development still to come.

Yes, I suppose so. He looks and smiles if you speak to him. But no, not too much response. Not even when DH comes home from work. It's not like he isn't happy to see him, he just isn't excited or anything. The reaction is no different to anyone else entering the room.

If he looks and smiles and shares attention with you, it sounds fine. Does he seem interested in what you are doing and would he ever get annoyed if you ignored him to do something else?

I think maybe some babies take a while to realise there is a world other than them! Some babies realise how much they need mummy and daddy very early, maybe others take it more for granted, and as they grow older realise the importance of those people.

DD certainly did not seem bothered by us leaving the room or going out for period of time or appear to miss us until she started speaking. Once she was able to say mummy and daddy with absolute understanding of what the words were, she became much more affectionate. Much more recently too. She actively gets excited when she hears the front door go and daddy comes in from work, or me. And is sooo pleased to see us. But when she was about 1, we would have to go 'look its daddy' 'daddy wants a cuddle, give daddy cuddle and he would give her a cuddle whether she liked it or not!!!

tutututt - I am sure its the same with you, really. DD stopped wanting to be held in 'baby' position very early on, prefering either outward or over shoulder. Now tho, she likes to 'pretend' she is a baby!