help my DS is becoming the bad boy at school

[plus3]

my DS is 4.4 and has just started at nursery school (5 afternoons a week). Previously he had been at a preschool 3 mornings a week.
We are into week 3 and already I am having conversations with the teacher about how he keeps jumping on children and knocking them to the ground and today apparently he tried to strangle one of them . The knocking over thing is happening at home with DD 21mths, to which he always gets told not to do it, then naughty step/or removing treat. We have been encouraged to give him some individual time, which occured this afternoon whilst DD was asleep & had a big talk about why it wasn't nice etc, then as soon as she was up and I wasn't in the room he was straight back to knocking her over again. He is very good at saying sorry, but it seems to be a token gesture. Any thoughts..please

anyone...?

What are the school doing when these things happen?

Do you think that it would be worth asking the school if they can set up a home/school bloo that details how his day has gone listing the poor behaviour and most impotant;y the good things that he does? That way you (and the school) can accentuate the positive.

Star chart and small treat for good behavior?

thankyou..they were very quick to say that he was very good during the activities, it was during Tv time (?) that the strangling event occured Was thinking about the star chart for home. I just don't want to dismiss this too easily, (he is bright and suspect that the dinosaur program didn't grab his attention) but equally don't want to justify it and let it continue

Do you have any idea why the behaviour is occuring? I don't really have any answers, but some causes might be attention seeking, not liking children to be too close to him (if he was in a circle situation), wanting to initiate contact with other children, but not having great social skills. From your post, you seem to suspect it is boredom. Is the problem that he isn't good at sitting still? Is the problem that he has run out of 'good' behaviour by the afternoon and would rather be running around?

I would be trying to talk to the school about what the cause of the problem is. Has he had similar problems at preschool school?

Must admit that my situation is somewhat different as my DS (5) has special needs, but when he was younger he used to hit and bite, and we stopped him doing it by giving him a hairwash every time he did it, immediately so he got the link, and eventually he started to regulate his own behaviour. I needed to do it that way as he was at that stage non-verbal, so chats about what's right and wrong wouldn't do it, nor would the naughty step. I would never hit a child, and of course that would be a ludicrous way to teach them not to hit, but I do think sometimes small boys need more than words or naughty step to teach them how to regulate their own natural aggression. Is there anything similar you could do with your DS - eg the minute he pushes over his sister, the TV goes off for the rest of the day, or a fave spiderman toy gets locked in the cupboard. It's got to be something where the pleasure denied is as good as the pleasure he is getting from the physical contact of bashing into people (which of course many little boys enjoy, and indeed do when playfighting with Daddy). Just a thought, and I know not everyone agrees with aversive therapy like this, but tbh I think supernanny's naughty step and star charts only work on TV, or so has been my experience with one SEN child and one normally functioining. Good luck!

Must admit that my situation is somewhat different as my DS (5) has special needs, but when he was younger he used to hit and bite, and we stopped him doing it by giving him a hairwash every time he did it, immediately so he got the link, and eventually he started to regulate his own behaviour. I needed to do it that way as he was at that stage non-verbal, so chats about what's right and wrong wouldn't do it, nor would the naughty step. I would never hit a child, and of course that would be a ludicrous way to teach them not to hit, but I do think sometimes small boys need more than words or naughty step to teach them how to regulate their own natural aggression. Is there anything similar you could do with your DS - eg the minute he pushes over his sister, the TV goes off for the rest of the day, or a fave spiderman toy gets locked in the cupboard. It's got to be something where the pleasure denied is as good as the pleasure he is getting from the physical contact of bashing into people (which of course many little boys enjoy, and indeed do when playfighting with Daddy). Just a thought, and I know not everyone agrees with aversive therapy like this, but tbh I think supernanny's naughty step and star charts only work on TV, or so has been my experience with one SEN child and one normally functioining. Good luck!

thanks for the answers...since then he has been very good, with no further incidents.The attention seeking was definately put forward by the school. They suggested lots of positive praise which we have done and he has just been lovely as a result.