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sibling rivalry

2 replies

eire2 · 14/05/2008 16:03

MY 2.9 YEAR OLD p has just had a baby brother aged 10 weeks. P has always been a happy and delightful child. He had occasionally hit other children over a toy but nothing to worry about. he had never had a tantrum or hit me. Since his baby brother he is understandably angry which i am trying to help him with by lots of praise and attention and keeping as near to normal as possible for him. On the whole he is adjusting well to his brother and is gradually bcoming less angry. Although the usuall todler groups which i go to and he has always loved are now very stressfull. he is hitting or shouting at the children ina random way. I find it very upsetting and have told him that the behaviour is not nice and left the group. I have given him opportunities to talk abpout how he is feeling. I give him time out in his bedroom for hitting me if at home and this is working. He does tend to be worse when tired at these groups as bed time does get late with new baby. However i cant really accept that hitting children is down to tiredness alone. He really feels ashamed if told off and wakes up crying in the night and then shouts your naughty to other children so i am torn between softly softly to buffer his feelings of hurt and strict but how strict any suggestions. He is a very boisterous boy and needs other older boys as enjoys rough and tumble play i also feel these todler groups may be too young for him and have started him in pre school whcih he is managing so far . I am concerned i may have spoilt him with too much attention prior to the birth of his sibling.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MingMingtheWonderPet · 15/05/2008 14:12

Don't think you can ever spoil a child with attention, it may be difficult now but the time that you spent with him will bear fruit in the long run.
Difficult adjustment for him, and though he may be happy at pre-school perhaps he feels he is being pushed out in favour of baby?

Is there any way you can spend some time with just him? Even if bf your partner or a grandparent could look after baby while you spend some time with you older child.

When I had a new baby i always used to try and get older DS to bed at his normal time, and if baby went to bed a bit later then so be it, esp at 10 wks in. Come 4 - 5 months or so I liked to try and get baby to sleep first at 7pm and then spend time with DS til is bedtime at 7.30pm.

Do think you need to deal with his 'bad' behaviour, you can't let him just get away with it cos of new baby. Maybe buy him some stickers or something for when he is being good?

It will get better, good luck

clutteredup · 15/05/2008 14:22

My DS was 2.5 when i had DD1 and he went through a similar phase , he used to hit random small children when we were out, it was awful. i realised how totally unhappy he was but although I loved hom very much and wanted to make him happy again I knew that the one thing he wanted i just couldn't do - give back DD1. It is a phase an adjustment and there will be hard times and good times and eventually it will pass. Ds and DD1 adore eachother and were much better when DD2 came along although that was hard for DD1.
My frined once said it was a bit like your DH coming home one day and saying, I've brough a new wife back, isn't she lovely, she's going to be sleeping where you slpet and wearing your clothes you don't fit into anymore. Don't you just love her, she's going to be your best friend.- i think not!!!!!
It is a phase of adjustment and it is hardbut all you can do is show your DS how much you still love him and that you love the new baby too but that doesn't mean you love him less. Its hard for one so yonug to talk about his feelings as he doesn't know why he is feeling like this. it might help to acknowledge for him that it seems like Mummy doesn't have time for him and explain why and you still love him. Try and get him involved in the baby care but don't give him a hard time if he doesn't want to .
you can never spoil a child with too much attention, don't worry its hard enough having more than one without beating yourself up about what you did before. try and make soem time for just you and him withoput the baby soemtimes just so he can see you still like doing the old things.
theres a really good book called tree socks, one shoe and no hairbrush about having a second child it makes you realise its all normaL.
enjoy your new baby, keep showing DS you love him and you'll get through it.

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