My nearly 15 year old son has an attachment disorder. We have spent years trying to find the root of this and resolve this as he is literally attached to me.. single parent with no paternal involvement by fathers choice.
to give the back story , my son has always been attached to me. At two, he started to come onto my bed night after night after night. Despite a good solid bedtime routine, he continued to do this and does so until this day. I have only recently managed to get him to sleep in his own room for full nights. Meg’s been assessed by many psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists etc and refuses point blank to engage with therapy. He pretends all is ok and normal so they never get anywhere with him.
He follows me round the house, tries everything to prevent me from leaving him ie work, walks, time with friends. While I’m not housebound, my life and lifestyle is severely curtailed.
dad left five years ago. Privately the man hold that my husband is could not take the attachment of my child and the relentless attention and intervention my child’s behaviour required. He was an absent husband and father ever before this.
my two older children are indepemdent and functional with a good circle of friendships and are getting on with their lives. He resents them and they resent the time and attention he demands. I have done everything over the years to assert boundaries , implemented the recommendations to absolutely no avail. He goes to school but every day tries to avoid it. He has no firm friends but does talk with groups in school. At school he is giddy and a messer. Attention seeking and disruptive.
He will block me physically when I try to do my jobs, start crying and becomes verbally abusive when I try to do my household jobs, listen to phone conversations and follows me when I’m engaged with others.
the psychiatrist thinks I should lock my bedroom door to keep him out. I will never do that as I think it would escalate his hysteria and frankly damage him more. He thinks I am mean to him and bully him when I do not do exactly what he wants when he wants it . Also , When I’m engaged in work, chores or conversations with my other children. He hates that I spend any time with them .
His father has no interest in him and he is afraid of his father so they have little or no contact. He spent two years fighting not to spend time with him from 12-14 years so he doesn’t anymore.
I am at my wits end. His life is miserable. My life with him is miserable. He refuses to leave the house outside of school or to go to my sisters house , unless I am leaving then he shouts and curses and cries until he is brought too.
he tries to control me here I go, what I eat, what I drink, when I go to bed. It’s hell on earth. I am strict, firm and strong but it doesn’t matter… he tramples over boundaries all day long of it means he may not get his own way or feels threatened that he will not be sole receiver of all my attention.
when I watch tv or listen to a podcast, he doesn’t hysocally prevents this by blocking me or creating noise or a fight with a sibling
I feel at times, like walking straight into the sea.
can anyone relate and advise?
privately, I’m thinking that the penny will drop some day and he will gain maturity, social skills and independent.
I have spent my meagre savings and thousands of hours trying to support him, us and the family but to no avail.
He feels like he is bullied and treated badly by me because every single thing I need to do without him is treated as a direct and personal rejection .
he spends all his free time in my company which I try to make enjoyable but it’s never enough.
please advise. Thanks