Toddler extreme parental preference

[Secondtimearoundmum]

I’m pregnant with #2 and due in a few months so really need to fix this before they’re born.

DS is 2.5 and very much a mummy’s boy. When my husband is alone with him, it’s fine, but when we are both there he only wants me. He will shout at his dad to go away, won’t even want him in the room, not to mention actually doing anything remotely useful.

DH is often stressed about work and doesn’t hide this well. He isn’t really as engaged with DS as he should be - often sat on his phone whilst DS is trying to get his attention. And he’s a bit of a disciplinarian, often I think his expectations are too high of a 2 year old. He could certainly learn how to pick his battles.

All the articles I’ve read about parental preference are very much “remember it’s not your fault/it’s nothing you’re doing” but I’m not really sure that’s true in our case…

Ultimately, I need their relationship to be better so that DH can get up with DS in the mornings when I’ve been awake all night with the new baby.

Has anyone had this before?

Hello! I belive this is very common among 2.5 years old toddlwrs. Mine is the same (3yo). However, i noticrd that when for some reasons I am away (eg. For a weekend) and he spends much more time with his father, later he seems much more attached to him. It lasts some days, then it reverts again.
I have heard it also from other parents. So i would suggest you try to leave the house for 1 day or two sometimes and let them time to build their realationship. If you are around and he knows, he will look for you and send his father away. So it is crucial that you are not available in these moments.
Let them do activities outside alone when DH has time.

Also my DH is the same, strict, too high expectations and often at the phone wh8le with him. But when they are alone he needs to adjust a bit and it works much better.

Thanks @ItalianMUM89 for your reply - I think you’re right and leaving them alone more might help… I actually have to go away soon and would usually try and make it so that I miss as few mornings/bedtimes as possible but maybe I’ll leave them to it for a bit longer…

What does DH think? Does it bother him that his son reacts this way, or is he more or less fine with it as it gives him an easier life? How often does DH have DS away from you? Changing it will be a lot easier if DH is actively on board and can try to be more responsive to DS.

If you've got some time away, that's a good start, but I'd also look at trying to create a new routine where there are more 'Daddy and DS' times. You might need to be out of the house to start with, but once the routine starts to get established, most children will accept without too much protest that today is Daddy's night to do bedtime or Daddy's day to breakfast or whatever. If you're looking ahead to the new baby, definitely include those practical times as well as Saturday morning at the play park or whatever.