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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Son bitten at nursery

24 replies

MadamJoJo · 13/05/2008 14:21

There is a toddler at my son's nursery who is biting other children. The problem is behavioural, rather than related to teething, and first came to light about two months ago. Since then the nursery has dealt with the continued attacks by speaking to the child's parents about ways to change his behaviour and having staff supervise him more intensely, to prevent any more attacks. But last Friday DS (20 months ) was bitten again by this child. The first time he was bitten a fortnight ago, teeth marks were visible for several days. I am upset that he has been biten a second time. I spoke to the nursery yesterday and they confirm there hasn't been any real improvement in the child's behaviour as yet. They are using time out and intervention to control his behaviour, but how long should this go on for? What should I do?

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yurt1 · 13/05/2008 14:25

You can't do anything.

They should tell you when your child has been bitten and you should preferably sign an incident form. If your child is being singled out then you could ask whether separating for a while might be possible. If not, there's not a lot you can do. Some toddlers bite for a while and even 1:1 (which nurseries can't provide without funding) won't be enough to stop it.

doggiesayswoof · 13/05/2008 14:25

Sorry but you are going to have to ride this out. Nursery are obv being conscientious about this, and no doubt his parents are mortified.

when they are this small, I think it's wishful thinking to talk about "improvements in behaviour" anyway - biting is a phase most young toddlers go through. In fact it's classed as a normal developmental sign.

I remember dd biting and being bitten at nursery around this age - it's horrible - I do feel for you.

avenanap · 13/05/2008 14:26

Keep complaining, if it gets too stressful threaten to move your child. He should be safe, if he's been bitten then the staff should be supervising the other child to make sure he does not do it again.
You do know your child needs antibiotics if the bite broke the skin?

I don't think they should really be telling you about the other child's behaviour, this should be confidential. I would be concerned about this aswell to be honest with you. Maybe you should look for somewhere else.

LaylaandSethsmum · 13/05/2008 14:27

I agree with what Yurt has said. Its hard when your child is on the receiving end but biting is usually a developmental thing, it may be that your DS has a stage of biting, kicking, hair pulling too.

Gobbledigook · 13/05/2008 14:27

You cannot do anything. Sorry, it's upsetting when your child gets bitten but nursery are doing the only thing they can do.

Biting is, unfortunately, normal toddler behaviour - they all grow out of it eventually but it's difficult for a nursery to do anything other than keep a close eye.

Original poster

MadamJoJo · 13/05/2008 14:28

There is a toddler at my son's nursery who is biting other children. The problem is behavioural, rather than related to teething, and first came to light about two months ago. Since then the nursery has dealt with the continued attacks by speaking to the child's parents about ways to change his behaviour and having staff supervise him more intensely. But last week DS (20 months ) was bitten again by this child. The first time he was bitten a fortnight ago, teeth marks were visible for several days. I am upset that he has been bitten a second time. I spoke to the nursery yesterday and they confirm there hasn't been any real improvement in the child's behaviour as yet and they intend to stick to the plan of using time out and intervention to control his behaviour. Fair enough. I am worried about my child and thinking of telling them that I will want action if my son is bitten for a third time ( he is in the same room as the child, who has bitten other children). Is this unreasonable? Any suggestions on how to deal with this. I do feel for the child and wouldn't want him to be isolated or excluded. Thanks.

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TheFallenMadonna · 13/05/2008 14:29

I'm surprised they told you who did the biting. Our nursery wouldn't say. Even when they were big enough to tell you themselves. And they didn't tell the parents of the biter who had been bitten either.

Sunshinemummy · 13/05/2008 14:29

I don't know if it's worth suggesting this, but MIL used to own a nursery. They found that pretty much every time a child was persistently biting it was because they had a problem with their ears and a few of them had grommits, which 'cured' biting.

LaylaandSethsmum · 13/05/2008 14:31

erm, I think people have tried to give you advice on how to deal with it.

AitchTwoCiao · 13/05/2008 14:32

yes, our nursey will not tell who has done the biting, nor do they pass on who has been bitten to the parents. of course, when dd did it to someone she told us who it was immediately...

thank god it was a one-off.

ipodtherforipoor · 13/05/2008 14:34

My son is the "offender" in his nursery - he is being referred for assessment into aspergery/autismy type difficulties, delayed development of social skills etc

It feels so shit when its yours doing the biting - I know exactly who he has bitten, as they run away from him if we meet them going in to class in the mornings, and he is often sat away from the maingroup while they play together while children run away from him if he tries to initiate play.

Its such a vicious circle though, the more he bites the more they run, and then the more they run the more he bites... it breaks my heart, but there is nothing I can change, shhort of one to one supervision, which will do nothing towards helping him develop his communication if possible

yurt1 · 13/05/2008 14:35

What action would you want taken? They're not going to exclude for biting (that would be ridiculous) nor are they going to isolate him.

They're keeping you informed, they're aware of the problem, it sounds like they have a sensible plan in place although they shouldn't tell you the name of the other child.

You can't deal with it. It's part of toddler-dom. He'll grow out of it. Some children take a while even with a consistent approach.

ipodtherforipoor · 13/05/2008 14:35

and he has recently had grommets

Original poster

MadamJoJo · 13/05/2008 14:38

Sorry for double post my error on PC.

Nursery haven't told me who is biting, just that it is a boy. I asked why he was biting and they said it wasn't teething.

I do feel for the boy's parents and if the tables were turned i would feel grateful that the nursery were working with me to improve his behaviour.

Still feel helpless though and upset when DS comes home with big bite marks.

Moving nursery is not an option.

If it happens again, I will request meeting with manager.

OP posts:

spamm · 13/05/2008 14:38

Please bear with this if you can - as long as your ds is not being properly injured.

My ds went through a biting phase at around 20 months and I worked very hard with our cm to get through it. I was so embarrassed, I could have cried, but we could only continue to reinforce positive behaviour and try and make sure that everybody was aware and reacted whenever they saw him make a move.

We got through it and as far as I am aware nobody complained, although I am sure none of them liked their dcs being bitten by my ds.

I have since done my utmost to be understanding and helpful when other children "do" things to my ds, like hitting him on the head with a toy iron (yesterday). To a certain extent, this is what I expected as he grows up.

yurt1 · 13/05/2008 14:39

One to one supervision doesn't work either ipod. DS1 for a few weeks scratched children that came near him. He had 1:1 funded by the LEA anyway, but they still couldn't stop it. He was doing it for the interesting reaction that children give when hurt (he still does this occasionally to ds2 and ds3 and he's 9 now! but they do give interesting reactions).

In his nursery they turned him away from the adult nearest him every time he did it and said no firmly but quietly (he loves shouting) and it did stop it remarkably quickly (about 2 weeks).

I know the feeling though - used to go and pick him up and see all these children with scratches down their face. I was terrified that I was going to be cornered by a parent (and it was at the time of diagnosis so I was fragile anyway) but the nursery manager was wonderful and said if anyone said anything (they didn't) to send them straight to her and she'd sort it out.

Original poster

MadamJoJo · 13/05/2008 14:40

Not that I would request child be excluded cos I strongly agree that would be extreme.

OP posts:

yurt1 · 13/05/2008 14:43

Well they wouldn't agree to anyway.

I don't think you'll get much from the nursery. There's not much they can do except what they're already doing. Once that little boy stops another one will start.

LaylaandSethsmum · 13/05/2008 14:44

They wouldn't exclude a child for biting anyway. The nursery do seem to be doing all they can, this child is very young too.

Gumbo · 13/05/2008 14:46

As the other posters have said, unfortunately it is horribly normal for this age group.

A few months ago I went to collect 2yo DS from nursery and was told that he had been bitten by someone - and I'm afraid my reaction was one of immense relief that it wasn't my son who had done the biting!

It sounds like your nursery are doing their best to address it - hopefully it won't happen again (and hopefully your DS won't take up this very unsociable habit either )

Original poster

MadamJoJo · 13/05/2008 14:48

Sounds like I need to calm down.

Thanks for your input ladies, I am off to get some sunshine.

OP posts:

becD · 09/08/2010 21:03

my little girl has come home with a bite mark on her arm , where you can quite clearly see all the kids teeth marks!! I am horrfied that this is allowed to happen. I trust the nursery with my baby girl only for them to tell me they cant say who has done it, and that they have spoken to their parents ... which is all well and good but tell me when you have a 1 year old that doesnt understand what do you do then??? I then have to sign a form saying I am aware of it ... wheres one to say I want something productive done about it?
Lets some it up shall me I am paying them to look the other way while this happens, because as my little girl is only 1 they only have a few other babies to look after so surely their taking their eye off the ball for too long for this to happen

saintlydamemrsturnip · 09/08/2010 21:08

You are being unrealistic. Biting happens in groups of children even with excellent supervision -especially in groups of 1 year olds - it's entirely normal behaviour at that age. The nursery have followed correct procedure by asking you to sign an incident form.

MrsJamesMartin · 09/08/2010 21:11

Second what saintly said. This thread is old but the advice given then is the same now.

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