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Struggling to figure out if DD might need help or if we are just not coping very well as parents

6 replies

Mummabear04 · 16/03/2025 08:06

I'm just looking to get an idea if my DD behaviour is in the relm of normal or if we might need to get her checked out. There has always been something with her that I can't quite put my finger on but she is also our first DC and so it might be that we as parents are learning as we go. I do have another DC who is 2 years old and is very different in personality and seems more like a bog standard kid to my DD who has not long turned 5 years old.

DD is such a bright, clever, caring little girl and love her to bits but I also find her quite challenging and I'm not sure how to navigate some of her behaviours. Here are some things that worry me...

-she struggles to sit still at the table despite eating at the table for 90% of meals and also spends a lot of time there drawing. She will often just fall of her chair and hurt herself.

-absolutely endless energy and then will have a crash at the end. I will say I think she takes after DH who is very athletic and when I compare her to other girls her age, she is much more agile and strong. She could spend all day in motion and struggles to sit down to rest and in turn she will burn out and have big emotional outbursts.

-has very big emotional outbursts over little things like uncomfortable clothes or if her school bag isn't sitting right. She struggles to calm down from these even though I go through deep breaths (says she can't do it for crying), cuddles (she just keeps crying), talking about the problem (she will listen but says she still can't control her emotions). Some mornings she will cry all the way to school and won't stop until she sees a friend. At home sometimes if I leave her in her room with the door open and sit in my room next door with the door open then she will have maybe 15 mins of letting it all out and then come through like nothing has happened.

-copies her friends all the time. Lots of little things like if we are walking to school and sees her friend with their bag off then she will no longer want to carry her bag. Copies the annoying things her friends say etc.

-always seems to pick one friend and then have horse glasses on for them. She has a lovely little relationship with her BF and I worry she isn't playing with other kids. She also has a very strong preference to me over DH (despite DH working from home since she was a baby and him being a very present father) and when at my DP showing a strong preference to DM.

-when playing a make believe game, she gets very investigated and wants me to call her by whatever chosen name all day every day. Gets very involved and doesn't want to ever stop playing it.

-struggles to leave play dates and gets very upset when it's time to go home.

Some other things to note are that she is very bright and loves the activities at school. She is always wanting to learn and even at home is always wanting to practice reading and writing, loves numbers and learning about anatomy (randomly loves the body). She also just loves drawing princesses and rainbows etc. She is very sweet and caring towards her little brother. She eats very well and will try new things, she struggles to go to sleep and wakes up early but once asleep she is a great sleeper. She is such a great kid but for the reasons above I do struggle to know how to navigate these things. I often feel absolutely exhausted after spending a whole day with her and I'm not sure if it's just me not being able to cope as a parent (my DH is the same) or if we need to get her checked out. I don't get to see the other kids when she's at school to see if the other kids are like this too and during play dates the kids just disappear into the bedroom to play. Would it be possible for OP to give their experiences of a 5 year old girl please?

OP posts:
strawberryshortcakescat · 16/03/2025 08:20

Have you spoken to her class teacher?
That would be a good place to start.

Mummabear04 · 16/03/2025 09:03

strawberryshortcakescat · 16/03/2025 08:20

Have you spoken to her class teacher?
That would be a good place to start.

We have a stanard parents meeting next week but I'm not sure what to say about it really!

OP posts:
strawberryshortcakescat · 16/03/2025 11:03

I would say what you have said here.
You have some concerns around emotional outbursts, particularly the 'melt downs' where she is crying for a considerable length of time.
Inability to fall asleep.
Sensitivity to the way some clothing feels.
Inability to sit still /falling.

They may have also noticed things that may suggest an underlying issue. Do you think it might be SEN ? E.g. ASD/ ADHD?

I am an Early Years Teacher BTW and would be supportive of a parent approaching and asking for support.

Your daughter may also be masking and holding it together in school so it all comes out at home.
Has it gotten worse since starting full time school?

Mummabear04 · 16/03/2025 15:23

I'm really not sure what I think it might because I don't know enough about each of these things. My first thought might be ADHD and I do worry she might be masking. She has always been like this to some extent, very hard to settle even from a baby, always seemed to struggle but hit all her milestones and HV never been concerned.

Personally I think whenever she's gone into a childcare situation (DPs when I went back after mat leave, nursery at 3 years and then school) she's always been highly emotional when she gets home. It's hard to get her to rest and decompress from the day. I'm not sure if this is normal 5 year old behaviour though? Some days she can be fine so that's why I'm wondering if she is just a bit of a stormy child? I've Googled some stuff about ADHD and she does tick a lot of the boxes but then does some of it overlap with age appropriate development? I don't know which is why I'm asking for other people's experiences of parenting a 5 year old girl...

OP posts:
rootsandwings89 · 20/03/2025 15:46

Hi OP, I read your post and you have described my DD excactly how she was at 4 years old.

things I tried that helped:

speaking to her teachers
keeping a diary of things you notice/examples
having things like a trampoline and football/goal to wear energy off
lots of arts and crafts bits for her (drawing calms her down)
fidget toys
A band around the front legs of her dining chair
Ear defenders to stop her getting upset when out somewhere loud
buying books that focus on friendships and feelings
encouraging her to write in her own journal

We spoke to her reception and year 1 teacher about possibility of ADHD - they both said that she was fine at school, which made me feel I was going mad. But her year 2 teacher picked up on it and got her referred for ADHD. So don’t give up, trust your gut instinct.

DD is now 8 years old and on the waiting list for an ADHD assessment.

good luck x

missgraciea · 21/03/2025 19:23

Hi, my daughter is 4.5 and I don’t think she has any additional needs but of course I worry about her development - like all parents do. I’ll explain a bit about what she’s like in case it could help in any way.

She’s bright and can read some books with cvcc words. Likes to draw lots and tries to write she can write a few words and tries to do sentences but it doesn’t make much sense! She likes to build Lego and can follow the instructions herself. She’s not in school until September, goes to nursery l, she has lovely conversations and will happily chat about her day and ask me questions about mine.

She will sit at the table well but I still am a little nervous if it’s like a bar stool like we have at home because she still could fall off but in restaurants etc she’s fine and has been since out of a high chair. She will sit in a restaurant for maybe 2 hours we have a bit of a routine no matter where we go she will draw first/play with magnets or anything she’s brought then she can eat and if she wants to at that point after maybe 1.5 hours she can play with her tablet but she’s pretty angelic in social situations.

Sleeps well 6.30-6am ish every evening…she will have a couple of stories and then we goodnight cuddles and I leave her and she will be asleep within 10 mins, if we are staying up for an occasion she will happily nap for say 90mins to then stay up for 9-10pm ish…

She can get VERY emotional at the end of the day, cries and wants lots of cuddles, will sometimes stamp her feet and demand something random and specific at bedtime and be upset when the answers no. Gets upset in shops and says I want this etc and it’s always no and she does the whole oh pleaseeeeee and will then have a strop but definitely not a tantrum. Sometimes she cries and says things like never leave me mummy.

She has friends that she chats about lots but does have one preferred friend.

I don’t know if any of that is useful at all.

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