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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How would you handle this?

35 replies

tori32 · 12/05/2008 21:47

I went to my local toddler group today with my dd2 who is 7wks. I was in the baby play area for non moving babies iyswim with dd laid on the play mat when a toddler (? age but walking) threw a tripod style gym thing which hit dd2 on the side of the head. It left a red mark I was stunned and didn't react at all, just scooped up a screaming dd2

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MamaG · 12/05/2008 21:48

I'd avoid the place like the plague

pinkspottywellies · 12/05/2008 21:52

It's really difficult because the toddlers tend to do thier own thing (watched but unsupervised) and thier parents won't be on hand to make sure they're not doing anything. I tend to say to other children (in a happy singsong voice) 'ooh you hit the baby with that! you have to be so careful with the little babies'. Keep an eye and if it's the same child every time then talk to the parent.

If it's just a corner/area in a hall (ours is) can you and the other parents of babies have your backs to the room so you're a bit of a wall?

eandz · 12/05/2008 21:52

umm...my ds is still growing inside of me... but if anyone - toddlers included - ever even tried to hurt my son there'd be hell to pay. i personally don't believe in hitting but i would march up to that childs parent and expect them to see what their child did to mine and figure out a way to fix it.

i mean, i can't discipline someone else's child but i sure as hell can raise hell about how they're bringing up their kid.

but then again, i'm not even a mother yet...so discount my say accordingly...

Original poster

tori32 · 12/05/2008 22:03

We do have chairs in a ring around the area but toddlers can still get in to it. Don't get me wrong I don't expect them to be perfect (certainly not a PFB) but I felt like I should have done something, or said something. My dd1 has come close to doing things and I have been really hard with her. She has got the message clearly to be careful around the babies and never throws things like that iyswim.

OP posts:

eandz · 12/05/2008 22:07

i guess a warning to the kid would have been fair.

specialmagiclady · 12/05/2008 22:10

I have to say I have no compunction in telling off other people's children if they are harming - or threatening to harm - mine. I would expect others to do the same.

Not with the same fierceness that I would tell off my own, obv.

You did the right thing - comforting your child is the only thing you really can do. I wouldn't stop going to the group unless you think the layout is not suitable for mixing tinies and preschoolers. I have to say I did stop going to a lovely group when my DS2 got a bit more mobile as he was always being ridden over on trikes by older boys. Found a much quieter one nearer my house. Of course none of my mates go there but...

ChocFudgeCake · 12/05/2008 23:39

Of course one feels awful if one's baby is hurt. I would, as pinkspottywellies suggested, tell the toddler not to do that, and try to eye the parent who most probably would be embarrased. Also I wouldn't trust any toddler near my baby, the fact that a toddler walks doesn't mean he/she has fully control of his/her actions.
So, eandz, probably you need to learn a bit more about children before you start crusades against some toddler trying to hurt your baby And also I think it is exagerated to "raise hell" about the way some parent is raising his toddler based on such behaviour. But then again many of us have had to eat our words after having children

KTNoo · 12/05/2008 23:47

Presumably the toddler didn't MEAN to hurt your baby though?

Don't get me wrong, I would have been all cross and protective in the same situation, but with the best will in the world little toddlers do things we don't want them to do. It happens. Well it did with all of mine anyway.

I think I would just tell the child to be careful and not to throw toys and make sure your baby is well out of range next time.

Janni · 12/05/2008 23:50

I would comfort my baby and say to the toddler not to throw things that hurt a baby and make them cry.

I just don't get this thing about never correcting someone else's child. Presumably the parent/carer didn't see, you did, so you need to say something to the toddler.

Pheebe · 13/05/2008 07:54

Don't put a 7 week old baby down where toddlers are playing baby play area or not they don't need to 'play' with anyone/thing except you at that age

As for marching up and demanding the parents do something! well at the risk of sounding condescending when you have a toddler of your own you'll understand that its what toddlers do and while you need to teach them not to purposely hurt others you also need to give them opportunities to explore and figure things out for themselves. Its a balancing act between coming down to hard and being over controlling and guiding them towards accepted behaviour.

cory · 13/05/2008 07:57

eandz on Mon 12-May-08 21:52:42
"umm...my ds is still growing inside of me... but if anyone - toddlers included - ever even tried to hurt my son there'd be hell to pay. i personally don't believe in hitting but i would march up to that childs parent and expect them to see what their child did to mine and figure out a way to fix it.

i mean, i can't discipline someone else's child but i sure as hell can raise hell about how they're bringing up their kid. "

Eands, if you are having a baby, I think you're going to have to live with the thought that the day may come when it's your toddler hurting someone else's precious baby. Not because of any faults in your child-rearing, but because toddlers haven't much sense.

You may even find yourself with an aggressive toddler who does it whenever they get a chance- you just hope that the other child's parent doesn't come marching over to raise hell about how you raise your child!

I have been in a situation where my toddler was regularly hurt by another toddler, but fortunately I had too much experience by then to believe that the parents were actually raising him to do that. Instead, we tried to work out ways of keeping ds safely out of his way.

3littlefrogs · 13/05/2008 08:18

This is becoming my mantra: UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.

A child under 3 is a baby - they don't understand beyond what is normal for a child of that age.

Don't put a baby aged 7 weeks on the floor at a toddler group.

I am sorry your LO got hurt, but consider how you would explain the difference between a baby area and a toddler area to a toddler, and how you would expect a toddler to understand and remember the information.

Fillyjonk · 13/05/2008 08:24

agree 100% with 3littlefrogs

there is a tendancy i think for parents to see any child who is even slightly older than their own as basically a grown up with full responsibility for their actions.

I am assuming this child was about 2? that is the max age they usually are at toddler groups.

a 2 year old will not have MEANT to hit the baby, they don't have that good aim!

You do have to go to these places prepared to watch your own children like hawks I find.

Pheebe · 13/05/2008 08:59

Well, I have to say I expected to get flamed (again) for suggesting that the floor at a plygrup isn't a suitable place for a 7 week old glad to hear that for once I'm not alone

themildmanneredjanitor · 13/05/2008 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

edam · 13/05/2008 09:10

agree with MMJ, you'd be better off at a baby massage/bumps and babies/other group aimed at babies, not toddlers.

The toddler didn't throw it at your baby. They just aren't capable of thinking 'if I do this, it might hurt someone'. And even if the mother had been watching him or her like a hawk, it might still have happened - toddlers are fast and unpredictable.

themildmanneredjanitor · 13/05/2008 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

tori32 · 13/05/2008 22:29

It would be appreciated if people could read my posts and not just the OP.

I asked how you would have handled it.
I am a CM so I do understand that toddlers do things that are unpredictable which is why I didn't react, as I didn't know how old the child was.
I didn't leave the baby unattended on the play mat in the baby area, I was sat right next to her and turned to say bye to a friend.
I made no reference to all toddlers knowing how to behave/ parents doing nothing.

OP posts:

Original poster

tori32 · 13/05/2008 22:32

PS I disagree with posters who say toddlers are not capable of thinking something will hurt another child, having minded 3 toddlers from 16mths to 19mths in age, they all knew how to throw/ push other children and that it was unacceptable.

OP posts:

Original poster

tori32 · 13/05/2008 22:35

PS my 7wk old is not like most 7wk olds, she is in 3-6mth clothes and is more alert than lots of 3mth olds I know. She can also stand up holding just her forearms taking her full weight.

OP posts:

Original poster

tori32 · 13/05/2008 22:37

I think you will also find that the definition of a child over 18mths is a toddler not a 'baby'. Under 18mths is a baby. My 2.4yo knows full well when she has done something naughty.

OP posts:

juliet111 · 13/05/2008 23:22

I think to the pregnant woman who said 'i mean, i can't discipline someone else's child but i sure as hell can raise hell about how they're bringing up their kid. "...just you wait.

It is really easy to be judgemental. Unfortunatly children don't always (espec toddlers) behave how they are told to and are often really badly behaved much to the embarrassment of their parents. I'm sure your own will be the same.

And I also agree playgroups are full of boisterous toddlers running around and I wouldn't put a 7 week old down where toddlers were running. Sorry.

juuule · 14/05/2008 07:48

I also think it's bad judgement to lay a 7wk old down in an area near lively toddlers. While the toddlers may be aware at times not to throw things, sometimes in the excitement of the moment they will become unaware of others in the near area and sometimes it can just happen. Of course, it's not acceptable and they should be reminded of that but lapses happen. It's a parent's job to be aware of possible risks(although most of us have had our off days and lapses of concentration ourselves, I'm sure). I would have reminded the toddler that the baby was there and to be more careful, then I'd have moved away.
Eandz I think you might find that your post of 12-May-08 21:52:42 is so going to come back and bite you at some point.

Fillyjonk · 14/05/2008 07:54

"PS my 7wk old is not like most 7wk olds, she is in 3-6mth clothes and is more alert than lots of 3mth olds I know. She can also stand up holding just her forearms taking her full weight. "

I must be missing something, why is this relevant?

Unless she can deflect toddler generated missiles with those strong forearms I really would not leave her lying down at all at soft play.

My dd2 is 3 months and like yours astoundingly gifted in many varied ways. However, I still keep her in a sling or a pushchair at soft play.

FrannyandZooey · 14/05/2008 08:08

"I must be missing something, why is this relevant?"

because it means she is RIGHT and we are WRONG, of course

you don't get a miraculous baby like that by being WRONG about things, you know Filly

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