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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

public (all screaming, all shouting, writhing and kicking on the floor) tantrums

20 replies

snotbuster · 12/05/2008 21:23

Yes - I was that woman outside boots today with the out of control toddler. How do you cope with these situations? DS is (currently) fairly easy going at home - seems to reserve all his spleen and energy for public displays of wrath. Has got much worse since the hot weather began (but we need to shop sometimes!). Any advice much appreciated.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

WinkyWinkola · 12/05/2008 21:25

OH god. That's the worst, when they do that.

I just stand and let it happen. There's a lot to be said for not giving any attention at all to such behaviour. You will only get sympathy from passers by but don't even discuss him with them because that constitutes attention.

I was told the other day that if kids are thirsty or dehydated, this can really exacerbate tantruming behaviour.

2point4kids · 12/05/2008 21:25

I ignore DS.
If I've got the pram with me then I manhandle him into it and carry on my shopping at the same time as ignoring him!

Original poster

snotbuster · 12/05/2008 21:37

thank you both - will make sure he's well hydrated when shopping! Just sat nearby today and let him carry on - which seemed to bring it to an end a bit quicker. I get so about it though!

OP posts:

mammyofET · 12/05/2008 21:58

This was me today in and then outside M&S. It is horrible and DS seems to absolutely hate shopping but we have to do it sometime.

I 'handle it' by ignoring, distracting and just generally keeping myself calm and recting 'it is perfectly normal' under my breath. I also avoid eye contact of any onlookers.

BarcodeZebra · 12/05/2008 22:16

Had the same thing yesterday.

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. Then a big cuddle when they've calmed down.

Remember: every single passer by has thrown a wendy in public when they were wee.

blueshoes · 12/05/2008 22:19

ds 1.7 is having problems accepting the word 'no' at the moment. He will fling himself on the floor and writhe. Does not matter where. I have had that at restaurants. I try to cuddle or appease him, but he generally won't have any of it. So I look at him and let him carry on, whilst I finish my meal and get ready to leave. Then pick him up and bundle him off, ds screaming if necessary.

Dd was difficult, but not like this. The only difference is that with ds, I don't get worked up or actually care what passersby think. He just feels strongly about things - he will learn in time to manage and channel that passion.

gingeme · 12/05/2008 22:25

BarcodeZebra whats a Wendy? I'm a Wendy and I'm intrigued
Yes ds3 does this quite abit. Hes at the stage when were out he needs a wee but doesn't actualy want one he just wants to know what the toilets are like so when we say 'no you don't' he goes off on one. We just ignore him, and the dirty looks passers by give, and let him get on with it till he calms done. A big hug when hes finnished and on we go......

EnormousChangesAtTheLastMinute · 12/05/2008 22:30

this was me in the vets this morning ('the cat in the basket isn't very well so you need to leave it alone' 'whaaaaa'). still, the dog eclipsed dd1s behaviour by trying to kill said cat so at least the tantrum was forgotten by the lemon suckers in the waiting room.
had't they come across a two year old or dog before!?

(ps the cat was fine. dog on lead)

GooseyLoosey · 12/05/2008 22:37

OOh, I so sympathise. I had a thread a month or so ago on dd screaming the place down in John Lewis. It was horrific and she doesn't scream herself out if ignored she simply escalates it until no one within 100 feet can avoid wincing in pain at the noise levels.

BarcodeZebra · 13/05/2008 20:12

Gingme: a wendy is a monster tantrum. I picked it up on here and it made me smile. Hope you're not offended. We also quite like "benny" used in the same context.

KTNoo · 13/05/2008 21:12

Wrestle into pushchair if possible. Then you can walk - the screaming doesn't seem so loud when you're moving and it's not always the same people staring at you.

And like everyone has said, IGNORE. It really really works.

dd3 is now doing this quite often. With dd1 I was mortified and thought it was my responsibility to stop her screaming. With dd3 I just let her scream. She can be angry if she wants to. It's such a relief.

Eeek · 13/05/2008 21:37

I generally find the onlookers are giving my sympathetic smiles, recognition that they've been there too. I had a lovely lady in Waitrose come and chat to me while ds1 threw a complete fit because the exit was at the 'wrong' end of the store.

tori32 · 13/05/2008 21:49

Distraction with 'Wow' look at that! if old enough, just find anything they may want to look at, followed by shall we do x when we get home.
Time out in pushchair. Sternly saying 'enough'.
If safe just ignore it and walk away.
I totally agree with the dehydration making it worse. Also, my dd is always worse in the AM midway between breakfast and lunch, so I now give her a high carb snack as well as fruit which gets her blood sugar levels back up. That also causes irritability.

tori32 · 13/05/2008 21:52

Complete sympathy though, I had to drag my dd1 all the way to creche as she didn't want to go (new sibling). Got lots of pittying looks from all the parents on the school run.

gingeme · 13/05/2008 22:13

Lol none taken BarcodeZebra just never heard of that one.

KTNoo · 14/05/2008 00:04

Personally I never found that distraction works once they're in full swing. There's a crucial moment at which distraction works and once you've missed it, you've missed it.

Why shouldn't they scream anyway if they're angry? Hitting, biting, running into the road etc, that you have to deal with, but screaming in itself is not a crime.

If onlookers starts making unhelpful comments ("what's wrong with you then?" - that sort of stuff), I just reply "She's very angry." It seems to shut them up.

cory · 14/05/2008 07:42

I agree with KNToo; once tantrum has got going it's going to run. I spent a lot of time staring into middle space with a vacant expression when dd was at tantrumming age.

And a small tip for wrestling into pushchair. They will, of course, arch their backs, making it almost impossible to secure the straps. But, if they're screaming, the time will come when they have to draw breath, this is when the stomach muscles relax, you push down very quickly and presto! the job is done.

pagwatch · 14/05/2008 08:11

cory
i bet you can hog-tie a baby calf in seconds with that skill set .
yes . ignore ignore .
My DS actually had behavioural problems and LD so if he can learn ( albeit slowly) thatthere is NO reward for tantrums then they stop.
Poor DD had no chance. DS used to do ear splitting screams and head banging and used to draw crowds. when DD tried her normal range tantrums I would be yawning and filing my nails (figuratively of course) until she finished. . She had followed the master and never stood a chance

KTNoo · 14/05/2008 20:02

Yes cory I do the karate chop when they draw breath too!

Filing nails - that's a good one. I also read something on MN a while ago about putting on headphones (if at home of course)and humming along, taking one off now and again to check if toddler is still screaming! I enjoyed trying that one.

BroccoliSpears · 14/05/2008 20:11

This morning it was me outside Tesco. Dd kept it up for an impressive 15 minutes! I like to think of it as healthy exercise - she was so exhausted by the time we got in the car that she was asleep within seconds.

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