At my wits end with dd

[lovemyshoes]

DD is 9 at the end of the month and I starting to despair with her.

When she goes to the toilet she refuses to wipe herself, no matter what she has done, then, she shoves her mucky knickers under her bed even though they are caked in poo, sometimes they are that bad I throw them away. I don't know how many times dh and I have tried to ask her to stop doing both of these things, we even got her a small laundry bin for her bedroom which she wont use.

She also won't eat her food properly, she has always got to mess about, swinging her arms, making as much noise as possible and shovelling as much as she can in her mouth, it's got to the point where I don't want to take her anywhere.

Has anyone else had to deal with this? I am really worn out telling her.

anyone?

have you tried a reward or punishment system to stop this?

Has she always been like this or is this new behaviour?

If it is new, then how was her behaviour before, and what do you think has caused the change?

If she has always been like this, do you have concerns about other aspects of her development/behaviour?

It sounds very upsetting and it sounds as if you may need professional help to sort it out.

lovemyshoes
have you thought about seeing someone.
There are things that may be relevent here such as sensory integration disfunction.
My DS used to overfill his mouth and I would get really cross with him until we found that he had real genuine problems understanding the sensation that his mouth was full. We got some excercises to help him and the problem has disappeared.
I got all this sorted through a therapist

She has always been like this.

She is above average in everything at school and has afterschool activities and lots of friends, she is also very active at home, dancing etc.

With regards to the eating, it is as though she thinks that someone is going to take it off her, and, as soon as she has finished one thing she is immediately asking whats for tea etc.

Yes I have tried reward/punishment etc, but, literally NOTHING works.

DH wouldn't agree about seeking professional help, he seems to think that it is normal 8 year old behaviour and she is greedy etc.

Presumably DH has limited experience of 8 year olds, and spends less time with her than you do.

I think you need to consider where you go from here, because it sounds as if you do need professional advice. I have 3 dcs, now aged 19, almost 17 and 10. I would have been very concerned if any of them had exhibited the behavioue you describe, at the age of 8.

I would definitely be looking for the cause, and would expect to have to take a long term approach to dealing with it.

I would be considering approaching either your GP or the school with a view to a referral to a child psychologist.

I am very much a parent who deals with most things on my own, but I think it is important to recognise when you need some help.

I think you know that too, otherwise you would not have posted on here.

I really hope you get the support you need soon.

lovemyshoes, can see where other posters are coming from, and it might be that you need specialist help eventually. But 9 year old girls are a bloody nightmare going through interesting times. I'm Mum of a teenage DS and pre-teen DD (and not a perfect parent as you'll gather from my other posts) but have found that at pre-pubescent and pubescent stages, they revert to being toddlers. They crave attention, whilst their hormones are saying "stuff anything our parents say". So adopt the same approaches - praise the good - honestly, they love acknowledgement, even if they won't admit it - whilst ignoring all but the really unacceptable behaviour. I'd try behaviour modification a la toddler before referring to psychologists. You might have to do that but IMHO she sounds like a child who's heading towards her teens early. normal, albeit antisocial, behaviour.

(why didn't my strike outs work?!)