Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Toxic Father inlaw

2 replies

2006marrianna · 09/03/2025 22:59

I need advice! I have been married for 28 years and from dot I could feel this 81yr old in-law hates the ground I walk on. I have looked after his son for 8 years as he has developed very complex health issues. My husband has been in hospital for the past 16 days to have him discharged home to find that behind my back this in-law has told the hospital I abuse the health system, I abuse my husband and I overdose him! A safe guarding was raised against me and the spoke with my husband and found that my hubby has the capacity and answered all questions truthfully. This issue raised was aborted. How can he do this to me? I do everything for my husband by myself as I have lived with these developing health issues! His dad is trying to wedge our marriage apart. This has been going on for 8 years vile letters to me dis owning his 3 beautiful adult grandchildren. But when his father is visiting his son and I bring up anything of how he treats me he replies it’s in the past! But continues to ruin my life by manipulating me with all sorts. I’m now at a lose I have told my husband I want to change my surname and our sons so the surname is not carried on. I cry for no reason and so low in mood. Really need advice do I get an injunction against this deluded man. I no longer want anything to do with him 😢 enough is enough before I loose my mind. Grateful for advice on how I can move forward please 🙏

OP posts:
FunnyCradock · 12/04/2025 22:52

Wow he sounds vile.
Look after yourself. Get some therapy, a safe space where you can talk about this. Sounds like this has (understandably) eroded yourself-esteem.
He may have covert (or overt) narcissistic traits. Educate yourself about this. He might just be an unpleasant person. Either way, you need to recognise that you are not responsible for his behaviour and you need to rebuild your resilience & learn ways of dealing with this. Setting boundaries for yourself is essential (you do not have to tolerate being treated badly by anyone) but be prepared for him to be utterly hateful in response.
Grey rocking is also a good strategy for dealing with these kind of people - look it up online.

<Also - you’ll get more answers if you ask mumsnet move this to chat or relationships>

BunnyRuddington · 13/04/2025 09:18

Wanting to change your DCs names sounds a bit late? They’re adults and surely they have a choice? What does your DH think about this?

Does your DH want his DF to visit knowing how he makes you feel?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page