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Behaviour/development

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Is my child anxiously attached?

2 replies

Roxietrees · 06/03/2025 21:43

I’ve been reading/learning through therapy a lot about attachment styles recently. I think I have an anxious attachment style. I’m now worried my 4-year-old DD is also “anxiously attached” to me. Her dad and I amicably split when she was 15 mths and have shared 50/50 custody, split down the week ever since. She’s been going to the same nursery, with the same staff for 2 years now but she still loses it every time I drop her off, crying her eyes out and begging me to stay. It’s heartbreaking as I was like this as a child and can remember how much I hated being separated from my mum. However her personality is completely different to mine as a child. I was very clingy and refused to speak to any adults except my parents. She’s much more confident, fine being left with babysitters/family and has no problem talking to adults once she’s got to know them a bit. We are very close and she’s an only child so we spend a lot of time just the two of us. She only goes to nursery twice a week. It’s not that she doesn’t like it there, she says she loves it and the staff always reassure me she’s fine about 10 min after I leave but I’m worried that after 2 years of a consistent nursery routine that she still has a meltdown everytime I drop her off. She has to be carried off crying, which I hate but I’ve tried hanging around to try and help her get settled but she still gets so upset when I leave. Is this signs of an anxious attachment style? If so what have I done wrong and how can I fix it? People say it’s impossible to spoil a child with love but I feel like I’ve done that. I’m really loving and affectionate towards her, maybe I’ve overdone it?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
NuffSaidSam · 07/03/2025 11:28

It sounds like the nursery is not the right setting for her. If she genuinely loved it I don't she'd be so upset to go every time for two years, do you?

Fakehungarian · 15/03/2025 09:42

Sounds normal to me. You can tell more about someone’s attachment style from how they are when you reunite after a separation. Look up Mary Ainsworth’s Strange Situation experiment.

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