DS has asd, worried about DS no.2

[MrsWan]

DS was diagnosed at 2.5. Starting to worry about my now 1 year old. He seems very different to my first which is reassuring to see but in the other hand he is very like him with certain traits. I’m trying not to get too worked up over thinking it until I actually know but I am really worried.

It’s normal to be worried and also to spot lots of signs once you have a child with ASD I think. I have two (aged 12 and 10 now) and I know there can be a genetic link or whatever but at 1, you really can’t know for sure. Of course they are alike in some ways, they are siblings. Try not to worry about it. You could talk to your HV, or nursery if he goes to nursery. I’m a massive worrier so I completely understand how hard it is not to worry, but remember there’s nothing you can do. Worrying or losing sleep won’t change the outcome. Easier said than done I know! Hand hold from me x

Thanks for the message. My husband really struggled with the diagnosis, he has battled with his mental health a lot since. We feel like we are raising and grieving at the same time. It sounds very dramatic but it really took us by surprise as he wasn’t really showing signs then all of a sudden it was pretty clear. Like you say it really is hard to tell at 1, he definitely seems a lot more able to follow a simple instruction (as much as a 13 month old can) does alot of gestures etc. where as DS 1 don’t respond to name, very limited with using words or gestures etc. its little things that I have noticed, he carries a toy in each had a lot, looks at a lamp/light, seems interested when the weather come on the tv, opens and closes cupboard doors repeatedly. These might mean absolutely nothing but it’s reminding me of similar things my other son would do x

I am also aware a lot of baby/toddler behaviour can overlap with traits etc and can be really normal aswell

I remember realising my youngest was probably ASD too at about 12/13 months. With my eldest I knew sooner but strangely the youngest is more “severe” (non verbal, etc) so should’ve been more noticeable. I blamed myself for ages for not noticing and cried when we got the diagnosis. As I say they are 12 and 10 now and just the happiest kids ever and I genuinely wouldn’t change their diagnosis even if I could. You do get used to it. The toddler years are hard anyway but add a disability or two in there and everything seems like a struggle.

Could he be copying his brother though? If he sees his older brother doing those things he could think that’s clearly how to play! Most younger siblings want to be like and copy the older ones. 13 months is probably too young but there are questionnaires you can do online to see how “likely” a diagnosis is. I’m not saying you should do them or even that they’ll be much help at 1 but it might put your mind at ease? What does your husband think, does he notice the things too?

Whatever happens it’ll be okay x