Is my DD’s mother going too far and causing her to question her sexuality?

[Dadinhove]

Delicate one this. My 12 yr old DDs mother forbids her from using nail varnish, any form of make up, wearing tankinis on holiday (“as they sexualise her”) or wearing mildly cropped tops as they “make her look like jail-bait” apparently. I’m sure she has good intentions but I’ve been finding self-written notes in my DDs bedroom basically questioning her sexuality as she doesn’t feel feminine enough for the other girls and not masculine enough for the boys. Personally I think her mother’s actions and rules are really not helping and I want to talk about my concerns, but not before I’ve heard other pov’s from you wonderful lot. Thoughts welcome. Thank you.

I think that there are a few things here - firstly there is a difference between kids experimenting with make up and dress sense at home and what they wear when they are out, so you could talk to your wife about letting your dd do more at home to start with.

Secondly, there is a difference between "feminine" and "classy" and oversexualised - again, allowing your dd to start to think about her style and identity with guidance from your wife about what she things could be "classy" feminine vs oversexualised might be a good idea.

What is your wife's style? Is she conservative, natural? And your dd's friends, do they wear make up?

You might get more responses in Chat or AIBU - this is really a chat subject, I think, not to do with behaviour.