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Behaviour/development

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Pre-school / separation anxiety

1 reply

Pineapples1986 · 04/02/2025 20:52

Hi, my 3yo little girl started pre-school in September (two days a week) and as expected, having spent the vast majority of her time with me as a full time mum, has had some struggles settling. She cries every school morning and usually a time or two more throughout the day. Even when she is engaged in an activity, she constantly asks the teachers when it’s time to go home. When I ask if something is bothering her there or what it is she doesn’t like about it, she just says, “I miss you mummy, I don’t want to leave you because I love you so much.” Very sweet, but breaks my heart! I’ve used age-appropriate books about separation to try to explain / illustrate that even when we aren’t together, we are always connected / love each other and mummy is coming back. The past few weeks she has started asking me every day “where are we going tomorrow?”, and gets herself so upset and anxious about when she is next going in. I worry that at her age, she should be able to live happily in the moment, without experiencing anxiety and worry about what is going to happen the rest of the week, which takes the joy out of her time at home / out and about outside of preschool. She asks me, through sobs, “why do I have to go?”, which makes me want to say “well actually, you don’t!” (I am still full time mum to her little brother) but I know this will create further problems for in 7 months time when she will have to attend school every day, not just twice a week. (The preschool she attends is at the primary school she will go to later this year). Any tips / advice / help greatly appreciated! TIA

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
LuckyQuoter · 06/02/2025 07:44

Children's separation anxiety largely stems from the fact that they can't see their parents and are afraid of being abandoned. Although this idea seems completely unnecessary to adults, children's thinking is different from that of adults. You can directly tell your child that you want her to go to school and that she can call or have a video call when she feels uneasy. Hearing the parents' voices and seeing their faces in a separated situation is very effective in overcoming separation anxiety.

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