DS is three and a half - and suddenly having RAGES. How do I deal with this? I need help

[mazzystar]

DS has always been a very easy-going, cheery little boy. Nursery gush about how sweet, kind, polite etc he is. Is even pretty tolerant of his baby sister.

In the past few weeks he's grown inches and become a lot more physical in his play. He has had some epic tantrums as well - violent screaming, red in the face with anger and been aggressive towards me. Today he was very aggressive towards another child who was here on a playdate - he pushed her - hard - off his scooter and when I told him off he screamed with fury and slapped me.

I have always been of the positive reinforcement style of parenting, very low key with discipline and to now it has worked well for us. I am shocked really by how he behaved today and just don't know how to handle it. I need a strategy.

I work on the principle they need something to do with the aggression other than hitting people. With DS1, now 5, we went from hitting people to hitting things, and then to shouting very loudly.

This isn't great though; he's 5 and still shouts very loudly when he gets cross. DS2 finds it very scary to be yelled at, although at three and half he is doing exactly the same as your boy.

Hoping someone comes along to give us both better tips!

help!

I am also going through this with my three and seven month old DS and reading that I'm not the only one has made me feel better! Sorry I kinow that doesn't help you. He is soooo agressive and angry over the last few weeks, we are trying to be very positive and praise him lots when he is good and using naughty step if he hits or is aggressive to anyone - child or adult. Just remembered how much his older sister liked sticker charts so may give these a whirl too! Good luck, will be watching this thread for others suggestions!

think boys of this age can get a surge of testosterone... I have heard this anyway and it would match up with his sudden growth spurt.

Just see it as a phase, but maybe make sure that he's feeling as though he's the 'grown up' boy, not a 'baby' like his little sister. I had a little boy in my mixed age class and though he was normally a calm little soul, when his little sister joined the class he became aggressive and over dramatic about disappointments.

HTH

the 'raising boys' book is good

i thought you meant you were having rages.
was going to empathise.
cant empathise with this tho. my boys are angels

Thanks everyone

I think he's very aware of being an older brother - part of me thinks he shows so much restraint so much of the time. His sister is a clingy little mite and very demanding, he doesn't get much of a look in sometimes - but he rarely shows much jealousy.

Have also heard about the testosterone surges - gives me a rason but not a way to handle it. Not a fan of the naughty step. These are occasional outbursts, not daily occurences, so don't think incentivisation is appropriate either really.

dd1 (4.5m) can get VERY stroppy (tantrummy, shouty, door-slammy etc) on occasion

Have talked to her about feeling angry. Said it's ok to feel angry and get cross and to shout and stamp etc... but that if she wants to do that she needs to go somewhere quiet to do it (ie her room, or anywhere where other people aren't about) until she feels calm again. Seems to work well