Those of you with "high-needs" babies. How are you all doing?

[Babyisaac]

My DS is 17 weeks old and tbh is a total nightmare. I don't know how to make him happy and I try EVERYTHING. He screams a lot for no apparent reason, especially when I leave the room. I can't be in the house with him as he is unbearable and he cries a lot in his pram, carrier, car seat etc. It isn't food, I'm bf on demand and he certainly gets enough, so what is it? He seems so highly strung. When I go out and see other mums and babies he starts off okay and then goes into top gear and really kicks off. Holding him is like holding a ferret at times - he's got so much energy and won't keep still. I long for peaceful times. I know there are other babies out there like this but I haven't met any. I just get sympathetic glances from other mums.

Don't get me wrong, he is very angelic and smiley when he wants to be - that's when he isn't tired, in his pram or car seat or not in my arms - but it feels as though most of the time he is unhappy.

I went out with friends yesterday with their babies of the same age and it is a totally different scenario. I know you shouldn't compare but I came home feeling totally depressed at his behaviour. It makes me feel very lonely as there are certain things I just can't do with him. I know it's nothing I'm doing wrong but on a bad day it doesn't feel like that. My DH is very supportive and also despairs but it just feels as though this isn't going to get any better. I was so looking forward to having him and being on ML but tbh I'll be glad to get back to work at this rate. I'm upset that things are turning out how I imagined them.

How do others with babies like this cope? Is it just a case of surviving one day to the next? Are there any examples to give me some hope that he'll improve? I really don't want to start resenting him but I'm shattered - he has my full energy all day and has also started waking up frequently at night just for comfort. How much comfort does he need?!!! Help

I don't know whether this helps but ds was seriously tricky until about 18months and to a lesser extent til 2 - like a timebomb waiting to go off!
I can really relate to the not wanting to meet other mums thing - sometimes it seemed easier to just stay at home.

Ds was always at his worst when we were with other people and in retrospect I think he was jealous of their attention.

I know this has already been said but it does get better!

Ds was really quite easy through the twos - other kids all got stroppy and he'd been stroppy all along so I was used to it. And in many ways he was easier than most so it can all change and you might be the ones with the relatively easy children.

Blueshoes, everything you have written sounds so familiar to me! From the jumping everytime lo squeaks to the standing up and jiggling after only 5 mins in a waiting room. I also avoided my friends as they just didn't seem to be on the same planet as me! Their babies were so different and they could not understand the hell we were going through.

My ds still can not sit on my lap for more then 3 seconds before he's arching his back and whinging to get off. He will however sit perfectly happily independantly. He only likes cuddles if he is on the move and I'm walking with him.

He never ever ever sat quietly in his buggy, even when it was moving, he often screams to come out and be carried. He never falls asleep on his own in the day (yet strangely sleeps perfectly at night and settles himself )

Just wanted to reitterate what everyone else has said, it will get better but so slowly. It's a long and emotional journey. One for which I was completely unprepared for.

My friends and family still don't really 'get it'. Yesterday my whole family wanted me, dh and ds to go out to a really posh place for a meal for my brothers birthday. I had to laugh. They clearly have no idea what ds is like and no matter how much I've tried telling them, they obviously think I'm just being neurotic and exaggerating. I really think this just enforced the fact that I have had so little support and understanding from them.

Having said all that, ds has been the very deffinition of lovliness today and even managed 30 mins in the car awake and not crying

Perhaps it's now as he is able to pull up on furniture and shuffle round a bit. He does seem a little more content. Still bloody hard work though!

It will get easier. the meltdowns will become less frequent. The only problem is it seems to be one thing after another. Just when you rthink you've turned a corner, something else will slap you in the ass. Frustration, teething, separation anxiety and a whole hoist of other things mean that it's non stop with my ds.

Keep holding on to what others have said and maybe we'll be more prepared for the toddler tantrums and the terrible twos as we've already had months of it!

I have posted before about my ds, he is now 10 months. He crawled at 8.5 months and to start with nothing improved, he still hung off me and cried all the time.

Well now, he is a happy little baby, it is like a complete turnaround in 4 weeks. He is a confident baby who just leaves me now and crawls off, and a few weeks ago he would of sat in my lap and cried.

He now happily plays by himself (he has NEVER done this!).

That said he is ill at the moment so is clingly, and he does still have days of hanging off myleg like a limpet.

All people say to me now, is "he is such a happy, confident baby". People used to think I was an over-protective mother when I refused to go to certain places, but I knew what would happen, the screaming, flip outs and just general chaos.

Stick with it, i do know it feels likt it will never end though!!