3 yr old separation anxiety

[Birchwoods]

My 3yo DD has awful separation anxiety at the moment. Everything has to be me, she won't let her dad do anything for her at all. Nursery drop offs (3 days a week at the same place she'd been at for two years) involve kicking and screaming, she won't eat breakfast unless I'm sitting next to her, follows me everywhere, and wakes several times in the night and needs me to settle her.

She's always been very focussed on me but it's become a bit extreme in the last month or so. I took my 9yo DD to watch a panto last week in the evening and my 3yo DD screamed for nearly two hours with her dad before she suddenly snapped out of it and let him settle her to bed.

She gets lots of love and cuddles, time playing with me, I'm constantly trying to 'fill her cup' and make her feel safe and secure but I don't know what else to do now. I don't do much for myself at all but have a couple of evenings out booked this month and I'm dreading them because she gets so worked up when I leave. It's making me feel a bit trapped and like I've still got a newborn.

Any advice or suggestions? Is it likely to be just a phase? She was three in December and recently moved up to the pre-school room but her two favourite members of staff and all her friends moved up with her so she's with familiar people.

Everything feels such hard work at the moment and I'm exhausted, but obviously want to help her feel less anxious about leaving me.

Have Nursery raised any concerns at all?

I would say that crying for 2 hours because you aren't there but she's with her Father is a bit extreme. How does she score on the 3 year Social & Emotional Ages & Stages?

@TinyMouseTheatre she scores low on the questionnaire. There are other signs of anything else going on that I've noticed, and nursery have no concerns. They say they don't see any of the stroppy behaviour at nursery and she's happy and helpful, helps her friends, is very capable and independent, and she settles quickly once the initial drop off is over (where she inevitably cries). They say she is very switched on and knows what she wants but they don't have any worries and they are very hot on neurodiversity.

I went out last night and she screamed as I left but was fine by the time I was in the car and was fine all evening, so I think we just need to be more consistent with me going out sometimes and her realising that she's okay and that I'll come back. I also think there's an element of her being very stubborn and deciding that she's not happy about me going out and that she won't change her mind under any circumstances.

That was meant to say no other concerns

They say she is very switched on and knows what she wants but they don't have any worries and they are very hot on neurodiversity.

I'd take that with a huge pinch of salt. Both of mine managed to get through preschool, Primary School and almost all of High School without them noticing any ND.

If she score low on the Social & Emotional Ages & Stages what was her score?