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Behaviour/development

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3 year old - social concerns

3 replies

pinkneonstars · 27/01/2025 10:38

Hi, my little girl is 3 next week. I have just taken a call from her key worker at nursery to let me know she can’t tick off many items on her 3 year check.

At parents’ evening a few months ago, it was raised that she is very quiet at nursery and struggles to approach other children or engage with them, but will play alongside. This doesn’t seem to have improved. This came as a shock to us as, at home, she’s very confident and chats away. She will put 2 words together there, but at home she speaks in full sentences, asks and answers questions. But I obviously understand the staff can only assess the skills they see in the setting.

I have a background in primary education and until this call had no concerns about her development. Her older brother is autistic and minimally verbal, she’s desperate to talk and play with him at home but more often than not he won’t engage with her or can’t answer her questions or chat back, and much I know upsets her as she’ll say things like “[name] won’t play with me and I’m sad”. I wonder if this is affecting her confidence approaching others? I know autism can present differently in girls and boys, but based on what I see outside of nursery, I genuinely don’t have concerns in that area (at least not at the moment).

She’s happy enough while she’s at nursery, will sit and listen in group time, happy to follow routines etc, but she’s just painfully quiet. Has anyone else had a just-turned-3-year-old who was similar? Did they grow in confidence in their setting in time? Can this till be normal at that age and she just needs more time? Is she just shy? Should I be worried?

OP posts:
TinyMouseTheatre · 28/01/2025 21:02

What did the Nursery suggest? Have they put anything into place?

pinkneonstars · 29/01/2025 12:29

They say theyre going to try and encourage her to play with others, but there’s a lot of ‘big characters’ (their words not mine) in the cohort so she might feel uncomfortable. There’re going to try and encourage her to play with some of the quieter kids. Apparently it takes her a while to build up the courage to approach an activity she wants to take part in if there’s already a group there

OP posts:
TinyMouseTheatre · 30/01/2025 15:35

I think that if they can't tick of many things on her 3 year check I'd be wanting a bit more than gentle encouragement.

Have they suggested that you do the 3 year progress checker from Speech & Language UK?

Have they told you what areas specifically that she isn't yet quite up to speed with?

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